EW gets the inside scoop from Edgar the Snail (pictured below).
He smelled of apples and disappointment.
He turned on all the lamps and interrupted me and Hortense during a private moment.
One of Ben Affleck’s slick friends in Deep Water.20th Century Fox
So what if he was intruding?
At least we brought him joy.
(And Hortense, as we all know, likes to be watched.)
Ben Affleck in ‘Deep Water’.Claire Folger/20th Century Studios
There was a thump as he threw something angrily into the trash.
Perhaps those bodega tulips Melinda came home with earlier?
Then Vic stormed off to meet a friend at a piano bar.
Ana de Armas didn’t have to fake it.20th Century Fox
You know who didn’t storm off?
Their overpaid babysitter, because no one remembered to call her to watch Trixie.
Still, he was considerate enough to help some of my friends who were having dryness issues.
He gently held them under a stream of water until they felt relief.
It seemed to calm him.
Friday, March 11, 7:02 p.m.
Vic came by with that annoying screenplay writer, Don.
They smelled of white privilege and disappointment.
His loyalty is unquestionable.
We all laughed at his foolishness.
Saturday, March 12, 6:33 p.m.
Melinda’s friend Tony came by for dinner.
I had a bad feeling about him right away.
“Nice space you got here,” he told Vic insincerely, peeking into our temperature-controlled haven.
“Are those snails?”
(The powers of observation do not elude him!)
Tony is clearly at a loss for words, but it doesn’t matter.
“The snails aren’t for eating,” he said evenly, keeping his justified rage in check.
“Fun fact: You know you have to starve them, right?
(Why he wears button-down shirts for athletic activities, I’ll never understand.)
She never gets up this early unless she has overindulged the night before.
To our horror, she accidentally stepped on Hortense’s cousin, Pam.
Who’s the murderer now?
But she will not pay for her crimes.
With reporting by Clarissa Cruz
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