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ELEVEN
That night, as always, I found it difficult to fall asleep.
Celadon Books
I always found it hard to sleep when Rebecca wasnt there beside me.
It was harder still, now that she never would be.
Perhaps a new house and bed should have changed that, but they hadnt.
So I stayed awake for a long time, missing her.
It was terrible to leave her behind.
Which reminded me of Jakes imaginary friend.
The little girl hed drawn.
The world outside the curtains was quiet and still.
The house around me was entirely silent now.
It allowed me to drift, at least after a time.
Hang on, I shouted.
A shadow at the end of the bed moved, and my heart leaped.
I sat up quickly.
Jake, is that you?
The small shadow moved around from the foot of the bed to my side.
I couldnt see his face, though.
It was occluded entirely by the darkness in the room.
What are you doing, mate?
Its not time to get up yet.
Can I sleep in here with you tonight?
He never had before.
We dont do that, Jake.
I heard a noise.
Theres a monster outside my window.
I sat there in silence, remembering the rhyme hed told me at bedtime.
But that had been about the door.
And anyway, there was no way anybody could be outside his window.
We were one floor up.
You were dreaming, mate.
He shook his head in the darkness.
It woke me up.
I went across to the window and it was louder there.
I wanted to launch the curtains but I was too scared.
You would have seen the dark field across the road, I thought.Thats all.
But he sounded so serious that I couldnt say that to him.
I slipped out of bed.
Well, lets go and check, then.
Im not scared of monsters, Jake.
He followed me into the hall, where I switched on the light at the top of the stairs.
Stepping into his room, though, I left the light off, and then approached the window.
What if theres something there?
There isnt, I said.
Then Ill deal with it.
Will you punch it in the face?
But theres nothing there.
And yet I didnt feel as confident as I sounded.
The closed curtains seemed ominous.
I listened for a moment, but there was nothing to hear.
And it was impossible for anybody to be out there.
I pulled the curtains open.
A dim reflection of my face was staring back into the room.
But there was nothing else out there.
The whole world seemed to be sleeping peacefully in exactly the way that I wasnt.
I did my best to sound patient.
I closed the curtains and knelt down.
Jake, sometimes dreams can seem very real.
How can anybody have been outside your window when were all that way above the ground?
They could have climbed the drainpipe.
I started to answer, but then pictured the outside of the house.
The drainpipewasjust to the side of his window.
A ridiculous idea occurred to me.
There was nobody out there, Jake.
Can I sleep with you tonight, Daddy?
I sighed to myself.
I couldnt decide which.
It was easier right now just to give in.
But just for tonight.
No fidgeting, though.
Thank you, Daddy.
He picked up his Packet of Special Things and followed me back through.
I promise I wont fidget.
But what aboutstealing all the covers?
I wont do that either.
Were you having a nightmare before?
Yes, I said.
What was it about?
In the dream, it was late, and a noise from downstairs had woken me.
I remembered approaching the bright kitchen along the dark hall, hearing the noises coming from in there.
All their words overlapped.
To see her flinch away, far too late, and to hear her scream.
The last time Id ever seen my father.
It was such a long time ago, but the memory still surfaced every now and then.
Still clawed its way up out of the dirt.
Grown-up stuff, I told Jake.
Maybe Ill tell you one day, but it was just a dream.
It all had a happy ending.
What happened in the end?
Well,you did, eventually.
I ruffled his hair.
And then you went to sleep.
The two of us together.
My small, wounded family.
Whispering, Jake said quietly.
His voice sounded so far away that I thought he was already dreaming.
It was whispering at my window.
