Past, present, future: Whenever he goes, he goes naked.
The first time his wife meets him, young Clare (Everleigh McDonnell) is 6.
From her perspective, a nude adult stranger just yells out of the wilderness, begging for clothes.
Macall B. Polay/HBO
As grown-up Clare,Rose Lesliehas to say one ridiculous thing after another.
When 28-year-old Henry first meets 20-year-old Clare, she has already loved his future self for years.
The intention is “romantic dramedy,” the effect is quite different.
Theo James and Rose Leslie in ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’.Macall B. Polay/HBO
She continues: “And I’m not the only one.”
See, Henry hasgrownan erection, nope, nope, nope.
Non.No, in Spanish.
What if he’s married to her older self, and he’s as hot as a mythological god?
I mean, that is technically what those things are about, but magic creates its own logic.
Creators shouldn’t fear our frail morality.
Some art should be problematic.
Mustn’t overthink everything, andTime Traveler’s Wifedoesn’t anticipate much thinking at all.
The show keeps putting overly helpful chyrons onscreen to remind you of peoples' ages.
“Henry is 31, Clare is 6.”
Darren is covering his eyes.
Forget everything I just said.
Run, Clare, run!
Audrey Niffenegger’s original novel was a 2003 bestseller.
I was alive in both timelines; I guess we were outcrying over different things?
“My libido grew up around you,” Clare tells Henry.
Then Clare liberates herself from her four-dimensional tormentor.
Clare learns to love his chaos while renovating him into a nicer cad.
Henry, Clare explains, is like a river.
“There’s only one way to survive a river,” she says.
“Be a rock.”
Or, um, swim to shore?
“There is literally no precedent for this conversation,” Henry tells Clare.
He’s talking to his future wife, a woman he doesn’t know who knows everything about him.
That precise situation occurred in a famous 2008Doctor Whoepisode, written by Steven Moffat.
Moffatadmitted to Niffenegger’s influence.
Now he’s the writer-producer of this series.
Reader, she’s the car.
James just looks furious in a way that’s supposed to be charming.
By episode 3, you’ve got the option to draw his butt from memory.
By episode 4, you’ll wish the butt had a writing credit.
It could only be an improvement.
There are mysteries that are obvious or boring, so many portentous clues about characters' futures.
Loose time travel mechanics send Henry wherever the drama is.
“Marriage: Two people trying to be the person the other one already thinks they are.”
“When it comes to falling in love, nobody has any agency.
That’s why they call it ‘falling.'”
“Don’t spoil the memory of good days with the regret that they’re over.”
“The trouble with revisiting your childhood is nothing is quite where you left it.”
“What is grief, if not love persevering?”
Sorry, that last one is from something else.
The rest are fromTime Traveler’s Wife, which is at least bad in a funny way.
This isn’t some Amazon drama stretching one episode of story into eight episodes of blah.
The old age makeup is impressively heinous.
Teen Henry (Brian Altemus) gets sexually experimental and you’ll never unsee it.
There’s a running gag that Henry needs to beat people up to take their clothes.
He must be a Chicago urban myth: Mr. Naked, the Pants-Snatcher.
Amazing visual potential; the show forgets that detail immediately.
And some dialogue achieves awfulness poetry:
Henry:So, how are you doing?
Character We Just Met:AIDS.
That’s funny, butThe Roomfunny.
None of that reads, possibly because their journey feels so one-sided.
Clare makes Henry a better man.
He makes her… a rock in the river.
Nudity plus travesty giveTime Traveler’s Wifea unique appeal.
Come for the ass.
Stay for the crap.D
The HBO limited series premieres Sunday at 9 p.m. ET/PT.
