“I’m trying to pack forSNL, and now I have to deal with this sex-tape drama.”
Man, if I had a nickel for every time the same thing happened to me!
Welcome back toThe Kardashians, friends which kicks off week 2 with that extremely relatable comment fromKim K.herself.
Kourtney and Travis get comfy.Hulu
If you watchedlast week(no judgment!)
was planning to release unseen footage from Kim’s 20-year-old sex tape.
But don’t worry Kim’s got her high-paid legal team on it.
She looks like a cozy ninja.Hulu
Now, let’s turn our attention to more pleasant subjects: House hunting in Bel Air withKourtneyandTravis Barker.
Tomer, yoursockless realtor, is standing right there.
Maybe keep the straddling to a minimum?
Not a surprise, tbh.Hulu
“Kissing and hugging is not a bad thing,” scolds Kourtney.
But remember, Tomer works on commission so perhaps make out on your own time.
“Social media used to be fun and silly,” she sighs.
Wut.Hulu
“And now everything is so critical.
The way I look, my situation with Tristian, is my hair done the right way?
I think I’ve gotten to the point that it’s literally safer to stay at home.”
Kim Kardashian and Mario Dedivanovic.Hulu
Is it a Hell of her own making or does society bear any responsibility for her crippling misery?
Let’s turn to Malika Khloe’s friend/former personal assistant for some words of wisdom.
(BRB googling “Does Khloe Kardashian have a job” real quick.
Kris and Khloé get the happy news from Travis.Hulu
Oh, that’s right, she sellsjeans.)
Later, Malika urges Khloe to embrace the power of the f-bomb.
For some reason, Tracy Romulus the CMO of KKW Brands is there too.
Also in New York (but not on camera at the moment) isKanye West.
“He’s here already,” Kim tells her CMO.
Tracy cannot believe it.
she drawls, her mouth agape.
But don’t get any ideas, Kimye shippers the divorce is still very much on.
“We have set some serious boundaries,” she explains.
“Kanye and I are staying at separate hotels.
(Kim was declared “legally single"in March of this year.)
Things get off to a bit of a rocky start.
It must have slipped my mom’s mind” and she tells Kim to cut it.
“I think I just wouldn’t do any sex-tape stuff,” she says.
Wait, does she know she’s talking to Kim Kardashian?
(That said, I do think she’s right in advising Kim to cut theR.
Kellyjoke sexual abuse of minorsis generallynota laff riot.)
Speaking of things that aren’t funny, it’s time forThe Late Late Show with James Corden!
(Jk, jk, he’s fine.)
“These words only exist if I give them any power!”
“Look, you’re drinking champagne at 4 p.m. on a Monday and you’re atwork.
You’ve won!”
Kris is so moved by James' speech she wants it preserved for all eternity.
“Oh my God, did somebody tape that?”
Yes ma’am, someone did.
you’ve got the option to stream it onHuluany time you want.
Anyhoo, remember when I told you that Kourtney and Travis were looking for a new house?
Welp, it turns out that’s not the only thing they have on their to-do list.
Is that… a red leather snakeskin sundress?
Where does one even go to procure an outfit like that?
Sorry, didn’t mean to take us on a tangent.
Kourtney also claims that the IVF drugs have sent her body into menopause which soundsfar-fetchedbut is maybealso a thing?
What we do know for sure is that the whole situation has sent Kourtney into a depression.
“I just feel a little bit off and not myself,” she says.
“Super moody and hormonal, like I’m a lunatic half the time.”
Kris empathizes, saying that she went through a similar situation after having a miscarriage in 1995.
“I was moody and depressed, and I was bloated,” she says.
“Everything you just described.”
She encourages Kourtney not to give up hope.
“You’ll have a beautiful baby probably a year from now,” Kris assures her.
(Okay, I made that last part up.)
That reminds me… we haven’t seen Scott at all this episode.
Poor guy is living his worst fear being phased out of the family and the spotlight.
(Perhaps Scott is behind the fake Instagram accountpurported to be run by his 12-year-old son Mason?
Awww, you guys, look!
Kim’s longtime make-up artist, Mario Dedivanovic, is crying because he’s so proud of her.
So… last laugh, and all that.
Fortunately, producer Lindsay Shookus (a.k.a.
And that means NO EAVESDROPPING, minimum-wage minions!
Khloe, who is perhaps the most human of all the Kardashian women, is appropriately mortified.
“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it,” she scolds.
But Kris has already moved on to the next thing: Her FaceTime call with Travis.
No, not to Khloe, you silly goose Kourtney!
Travis wants the whole family to come to Santa Barbara for the big event.
That’s sweet and all, but who’s going to do the welfare check on Scott?
We’ll have to wait until next week to find out.
If you’re still reading this wow, thanks.
Also, just don’t hesitate to share your thoughts about this week’s Kardashian Kronicles.
Does any part of you sympathize with Khloe?
Do you think Tomer just goes to his happy place when clients start making out on the patio furniture?
The Kardashiansis streaming now on Hulu.
New episodes drop every Thursday.
