Well, rose lovers, this season ofThe Bachelorwas truly about the “journey,” not the destination.
But first, “romance”!
Matt tromps over the river and through the woods to reunite with his loving family.
John and Patty James.ABC
Welcome, mama Patty and brother John!
Michelle is first “lady” to make the pilgrimage.
Patty is immediately overcome with emotion, so John pulls Michelle aside first for a one-on-one.
John James, Michelle Young, Patty James, and Matt James.ABC
“I’m gonna just keep it real,” he tells us.
With Michelle, John believes that “Matt has found somebody that is a good match for him.”
Great, but we all know who’s REALLY in charge here.
Rachael Kirkconnell and Matt James.ABC
It’s Patty time!
When Patty sits down with Matt, she gives Michelle her stamp of approval.
“I love seeing you happy!”
Chris Harrison and Matt James.ABC
“What more could I want?”
Awww, hug it out, everybody!
“Today couldn’t have gone any better,” says Matt.
Michelle Young and Matt James.
How about we end the episode here, then?
Rachael, you’re up!
Once again, John goes for the first one-on-one chat with Rachael.
Michelle Young and Matt James.ABC
(Answer: Not until Matt!)
Rachael praises Matt for being “so funny” and “understanding” and “a great listener.”
“My faith in God is like a very personal, important thing,” Rachael continues.
Matt James.ABC
“He came in [on night one] and the first thing he did was pray over us… “There’s nothing like being in love… but love is not the end-all, be-all.”
“Whatever you decide to do, I’m on board,” says big brother.
That is correct, John!
Chris Harrison and Matt James.ABC
Their words of caution seem to have the intended effect.
“I’m just thinking to myself, ‘Am I ready?'”
“Or [am I] just doing something that I’m not ready for?
Chris Harrison.ABC
How could this possibly have happened?
It’s all a mystery.
“Mom says, ‘Love changes, love wilts, feelings change.’
ABC
Like, ‘Don’t worry, love ends’?”
“What kind of greeting card is that?”
A REALISTIC ONE, SIR!
ABC
So where does this leave Matt?
With that, he and Harrison exchange one of those one-armed bro hugs, and part ways.
Part 3: Last chance dates
Michelle is up first.
Matt James.ABC
“I’m ready to do the real world with Matt,” she says giddily.
But are you ready to rappel down the side of a building with him?
Go ahead, Michelle say it!
You know the producers want you to.
“Love does require a leap of faith,” says Michelle.
After a bit of a shaky start, Michelle and Matt start inching their way down the building.
Fortunately, they make it to the ground unsplattered.
Matt and Michelle cozy up on an outdoor couch for a heart-to-heart chat in the chilly wind.
“Michelle’s pouring her heart out to me,” says Matt.
“And I don’t know where I’m at.”
He pauses for a second outside her door and lets out a long, shaky breath.
Oy, rose lovers… it’s pretty clear where this is going.
But first, presents!
The jerseys say Mr. and Mrs. James!
You deserve everything you’re looking for, and clearly Matt James is not it.
Hang in there, Ms. Young!
Tears are streaming down Matt’s face as he leaves Michelle’s building.
“It’s not a good feeling to put somebody through that heartache,” he says sadly.
Matt’s jeans must be made of some kind of stretch fabric, right?
There’s no way he could sit on that curb if they weren’t.
“That scares me,” he sighs.
So she puts on her best, skin-tight vinyl pants and prepares to…Knock knock knock!
Who could that be at the door?
Again with this guy?
Man, Harrison is doing more work this episode than he has all season.
“I’m sorry to barge in,” says the host.
I was with Matt last night.
He was emotional, and to be honest, lost.
And the last thing he said to me was, ‘I need some time.'”
In other words, no last chance date for you, Rachael!
She’s understandably confused and disappointed.
“It’s, like, very blindsiding,” she says with a sniffle.
“Obviously he’s having doubts.”
Part 4: Contractually obligated (and completely pointless) Neil Lane visit
Really, TeamBachelor?
Even Neil Lane’s briefcase knows Matt isn’t going to get engaged.
What, is the jewelry salesman entitled to a product shot?
“This isn’t just a ring,” he says.
“To me, it represents what my father couldn’t give to my mother.”
Does it also represent enough screen time for Neil Lane and his baubles?
Let’s move on.
Still, when Rachael arrives at the Proposal Platform, she dutifully launches into her pre-proposal/rejection soliloquy.
“I want to be there for you when you’re hurting,” she says.
I’ve never felt a love like this in my entire life.”
And so on and so forth.
Instead, Matt hopes they can continue dating and getting to know each other like normal human beings.
“The truth is that I love you.”
With that, they climb into a horse-drawn carriage and ride into the sunset.
Enjoy your few weeks of romantic bliss before everything hits the fan!
As always, thank you for taking this “journey” with me, rose lovers.
Stay tuned for my fullAfter the Final Roserecap coming soon.
