and yet things keep happening to stop you?
And you feel stuck in a desperate limbo as things drag on and on and on?
That’s what this whole Shanae situation feels like.
Serene and Clayton are not serene.ABC
“I thought she was gonna chuck a drink at somebody,” says Susie.
“She is literally tormenting all of us,” sighs Jill.
“I can’t imagine being him, and it sucks being us.”
Sweet ‘n’ smoochy.ABC
By “us” she means everyone but Serene who has her one-on-one with Clayton right now.
And it’s a good one, because they have the entireGalveston Island Pleasure Pieramusement park to themselves.
Look at how much fun they’re having:
Gah, I hate free-fall rides.
Serene gets the date rose.ABC
The teacups are more my speed, tbh.
He also serves up a generous waffle cone.
Don’t worry, sir.
Clayton grills the winning team.ABC
Serene is definitely ready to Open UpTM.
That night, she tells Clayton about some unexpected losses she and her family suffered in recent years.
“The loss of it all is really hard,” she says sadly.
Shanae says what she needs to say.ABC
“She was like the sister I didn’t have when I was younger.”
Y’all know what happens next, rose lovers.
Love that optimism, honey!
Shanae “apologizes” to the other women.ABC
The evening begins with Clayton (or should I say “Clay-uhn”?
WHY DO THESE WOMEN KEEP SWALLOWING THEIR T’S??)
asking to speak with the winning team from the group date.
Mara, Genevieve, Sarah and Sierra.ABC
“I want to get to the bottom of this,” says the Bachelor.
“to do that, I have to know the full story.”
Sierra starts things off by filling Clayton in on Shanae’s tantrum.
Shanae smooches Clayton.ABC
(I’m paraphrasing.)
going to send her home.
“I want to apologize,” says Shanae, though she can barely get the words out.
Add this fake word to the growing Bachelor glossary.ABC
Clayton accepts this weak mea culpa, and then sends Shanae off to apologize to the other women.
And for that “I’m sorry,” Shanae turns on the tears.
“I’m truly sorry.”
Gabby makes a friend.ABC
Are the women willing to accept her apology?
Shanae runs back to report the news to Clayton, and…
Ugh.
“I need an Oscar award for that performance!")
Gabby clutches her date rose while smooching Clayton.ABC
and then suddenly, it’s time for the rose ceremony.
Wait, did the cocktail party get canceled again or did TeamBachelorjust decide to skip over it?
I suppose it doesn’t matter.
Meet the roast master.ABC
Send this queen DIRECTLY toParadise, just.
That’s wife material, if you ask me.
Clayton and Gabby make each other laugh and do seem to have a great time together.
There are meds for that.ABC
I think I’m rooting for them?
Susie just read the group date card, and everyone was on it except Genevieve and Shanae.
“Maybe it’ll be good,” chirps Shanae, but Genevieve is pissed.
She’s about to flip that table.ABC
“One person goes home, and one stays,” she snaps.
“Yeah, I don’t think it can end well for both of us.”
We now rejoin Gabby and Clayton’s dinner date, already in progress.
Susie smooches Clayton.ABC
Oof, that is so sad.
Gabby says she and her mom don’t really have a relationship now, which is understandable.
“I miss her so much,” she says through her tears.
Sorry, Marlena.ABC
“Right now, it’s like I just have a lot of healing to do.
But maybe in the future, like, we could get there.”
Dang it, Clayton, give her the date rose so I can go have a good cry!
You can practically see the awkward silence in the middle seat.ABC
It’s just the exact key in of ridiculousness that I’ve come to expect from this show.
“Comedy and love go together,” says Russell.
“you should probably have a little bit of a sense of humor in your relationship.”
Say it, don’t spray it, Shanae.ABC
To that end, the ladies are going to spend the afternoon roasting Clayton, and each other.
“The meaner, the funnier,” Russell reminds them.
“It’s gonna get saucy up in this bitch,” notes Mara.
What week are we even on at this point?.ABC
Yikes… maybe Mara and Sarah are the ones who should be on this week’s two-on-one date.
The rest of the women use their time to torch their absent enemy, Shanae.
Hunter compares her to Jeffrey Dahmer (!
“Whoa.".ABC
), and Serene jokes about being on “Shanae’s season ofThe Bachelorette.”
(His dimples, his compassion, his “layers.")
Of course, he LOVES it.
And this comes a week after she kicked serious butt at the football date.
Finally, the Bachelor is beginning to realize that Marlena is a goddess.
It’s about time, buddy!
Clayton and Marlena smooch for a while.
Finally, Sarah and Clayton make out against a brick wall.
(No smooches for Hunter, though maybe the IBS reveal was a turn-off.)
The race for the group date rose is neck-and-neck!
And the winner is… Rachel.
Dang it, poor Marlena looks so disappointed.
“I’m definitely feeling defeated again,” she says.
Hang in there, girl.
At least you’re not on the two-on-one.
“Yeah, I’m a little worried.”
“Reading it out loud, writing it out, practicing it over and over.”
As the trio sets sail, the women back home fret over what decision the Bachelor will ultimately make.
Oh, would you look at the time?
Of coursewe’re not getting the full two-on-one date this week.
Based on the preview, it looks like quite a humdinger.
Before you go, a few questions: Is Rachel the one to beat?
Any early picks for the next Bachelorette?
And do you think anyone will tell Sarah that “comfterbility” is not a word?
Post your thoughts below!
Check out ourdaily must-see picks plus news, celeb interviews, trivia, and more onEW’sWhat to Watchpodcast.
