Rose lovers, I am honestly stunned.
On the plus side, though, Clayton put his remaining women through some long-overdue psychoanalysis.
Oh, and he chose his final four.
Sarah and Mara.ABC
It’s still nighttime in Croatia when the episode begins.
And Mara is, in a word, irked.
Finally, she fesses up … kinda.
Serene with her “fireflies”.ABC
“And that’s that …
I’ve been here since day one ready for an engagement.
I don’t know what you’re here for.”
The stage is set.ABC
Uh, he did?
In fact, it was Sarah who labeled it a “Hail Mary” during her tearful confessional.
Anyhow, it has the intended effect on Mara.
Welcome to Vienna.ABC
“That’s great,” she scoffs.
Ah, nothing like the snobbery of an inexperienced 23-year-old New Yorker.
(And as a former inexperienced 23-year-old New Yorker, I would know.)
Susie and Clayton get their shop on.ABC
And they’re not wrong!
Meanwhile:
Of coursethe other women are eavesdropping.
Producers wouldn’t have it any other way.
OMG so jealous!.ABC
And you know what?
The women are Team Mara.
“Last night, we all felt uneasy about the way Sarah presented things,” notes Rachel.
Susie is a pretty, pretty princess.ABC
“It did kind of seem like it was her and Clayton against the house.”
Clink!Looks likeJesse Palmeris here with his Butter Knife of Bad News.
Sorry to all the ladies who didn’t get to speak with Clayton tonight.
Susie gets a hometown date.ABC
Look, I’m not surprised that Mara’s getting the boot, but Eliza, too?
But it’s probably for the best.
Eliza is a radiant, bilingual queen who can do a lot better.
Oh no.ABC
She didn’t even get an exit interview!
Sometimes, I just want to punch this show in the face.
Cue Mozart’sEine kleine Nachtmusik, rose lovers Clayton and his harem have moved on to Vienna.
Dr. Katherine in the house.ABC
(That reminds me, I need to watchAmadeusagain such a good movie.)
Susie gets the first one-on-one date in Austria.
It’s time for the conspicuous consumption montage.
Clayton and Gabby.ABC
Dang, those dresses by Austrian designerEva Poleschinskiare very pretty.
Take a shot every time Susie says this date is “like a fairy tale”!
(Actually, don’t.
Genevieve goes bye-bye.ABC
You’d end up hospitalized.)
Susie is so overwhelmed by the experience she gets a little teary-eyed.
“I just feel like today just brought us so much closer,” she gushes.
Gabby is such a mood.ABC
“I’m so jealous,” moans Gabby.
“Her date sounds like my dream scenario.”
“I feel like a princess for real,” says Susie.
Knock it off, toots.ABC
It’s true she looks amazing.
The limo whisks Susie away to theSchonbrunn Palace, where Clayton is waiting for her outside.
At dinner, Susie admits that she almost feels uncomfortable with such lavish pampering.
Clayton can’t believe what he’s hearing.
(And if my instincts are correct, the final two.)
Fortunately for Susie and Clayton, they’re too busy smooching to hear the song itself.
When in Vienna, ladies, do as Freud did and get on the damn couch!
Again with the tears.
Thanks for skipping the chyron, TeamBachelor!
We’ll just call her Dr. Katherine for now.
The intro has the intended effect: All of the women are freaked the eff out.
See you around, Sarah.
“I’ve never been to therapy, for a reason,” admits Genevieve.
“Because I don’t like talking about things that make me upset and crying.”
That’s a shame.
Serene and Clayton take a carriage ride.
But hey, at least you don’t have to go first.
Gabby, you’re up!
Clayton praises her for “becoming more vulnerable emotionally” over the past few weeks.
Box checked.
Though her mother’s love felt conditional, Gabby says her dad has always been very supportive and loving.
“So what you need is a very stable relationship,” says Dr. Katherine.
Clayton believes that he can give Gabby the security and stability that she needs.
A kiss in front of The Kiss.
Unfortunately, we don’t get to see Dr. Katherine ask her any questions.
(“Tell me about your childhood, Teddi … like, last week.")
Genevieve looks miserable when it’s her turn to sit on the couch.
Teddi gets das boot.
“I don’t like talking about my feelings,” she says.
“So I have a go at kind of put it off as much as I can.”
Dr. Katherine urges her to express her feelings, but poor Genevieve simply can’t do it.
“Um … F— …
I think … [wipes sweat off palms] …
Yes, pretty much.
Clayton ends the session and asks Genevieve to join him outside for a private talk.
Cut to:
Alas, it’sauf wiedersehenfor Genevieve.
Don’t worry you’ll get there, lady.
No pressure, Rachel, but you’re next!
“It’s been really difficult,” she tells Dr. Katherine of the “journey.”
Still, Rachel says she trusts that Clayton will make the “best decision” for him.
“I love therapy because I like talking about my problems to someone,” she chirps.
“And my connection to Clayton is really good.”
Once again, Gabby’s face says it all, and then some:
Same, girl.
“), and Sarah full-on takes the bait.
“This past week has been really hard on me,” she sniffles.
“Some people were insinuating that I just think I’m absolutely getting engaged at the end …
It’s really, really hurtful, you know?”
Dr. Katherine, though, has a different take.
“Some of them were not honest,” she continues.
“They were … it’s called ‘performative.'”
“I think she’s a little surprised by what she said,” notes Rachel.
“But hopefully it’s obvious to him …
Indeed, the Bachelor does have questions.
Good news, sir: The women are happy to spill the tea.
The Bachelor does NOT love it.
He summons Sarah for a come-to-Jesus talk.
I don’t need to tell you what happens next, rose lovers.
“I’ve been a sounding board for them,” she sobs.
But then when it comes to me, I’m not allowed to feel anything!”
Holy crap Clayton didn’t fall for it!
Thank you, Dr. Katherine, for teaching him what “performative” means before it was too late.
“I’m just gonna be real with you,” he says.
“I really feel like you were trying to fake-cry to me.
It didn’t feel genuine at all … And I think we’re done.”
Even a last-minute plea outside of the Reject SUV doesn’t save Sarah from this unexpected humiliation.
Hope those lashes are sweat-proof, honey it’s real humid in Paradise.
Part of that time, at least, will be spent on the last one-on-one date of the week.
like welcome… Serene!
Dinner is a grand affair atBelvedere Palace.
If this date feels a bit rushed to you, that’s because it is!
With that, there’s just one more hurdle left to clear before Serene gets a hometown dates rose.
“Wow,” replies Clayton.
“I cannot tell you how happy that makes me to hear that.”
They smooch for a bit, and then he presents Serene with the rose.
(Also, you’re able to do better.)
Who says this show is lowbrow?
The time is upon us.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Clayton walks her out straight to the Reject SUV.
No Bye-Bye-Bench chat for poor Teddi, folks.
“I was not expecting that tonight,” she tells us.
“It sounded like it was me from our last conversation …
I do want to be someone’s first choice, and I deserve that.”
Damn right, girl.
And you’re only 24 trust me, all is not lost.
Holy cow, next week is hometowns, rose lovers!
Real, travel-to-different-states hometowns!
Who do you think will get the boot after hometowns?
Post your thoughts below!
