Just as it seemed like we had put the mean girl drama behind us (bye, MJ!
), this week we had to deal with an out-of-nowhere new feud and thenanothernew woman showed up.
It’s madness, rose lovers!
ABC
When the Bachelor finally arrives, he pulls each woman aside to plead her case.
What’s MJ doing as this is going on?
“I just can’t stand her!”
ABC
“She’s not gonna get away with this.”
(Wow, even her pep talks are anti-woman.
That’s commitment!)
ABC
“you gotta literally check yourself right now,” she huffs.
“You continue to be petty.”
The girl knows she’s got it in the bag even if Matt is “conflicted.”
ABC
Not that conflicted, though.
“I just can’t believe this happened,” she murmurs.
“I don’t know how she did this.
ABC
She sabotaged me.”
I’m sorry, MJ I think I misheard you.
Did you say, “She sabotaged me” or “I sabotaged myself”?
ABC
Because obviously the latter is true.
Instead…
That’s right!
The cocktail party is canceled yet again!
ABC
And Serena C. is very, very unhappy about it.
“Katie, I’m sorry, but you did bring it up.
Pretty much every scenario where there has been drama, you have been a part of.”
ABC
Dang, shots randomly fired!
Is Serena C. really going all “snitches get stitches” on Katie right now?
Katie is surprised, but she does not back down.
ABC
“Why are you concerned about me?”
“What the hell?”
What the hell, indeed.
ABC
That means we must say goodbye to Ryan, Brittany, and this one hurts queen Magi.
“It’s tough.
You know, I’m sad,” says Magi.
“My person is definitely out there, and I cannot wait to meet him.”
Guys, take a moment and go check outher charity.
The first one-on-one of the week goes to… Pieper!
Apparently, she thinks it’s Katie’s fault that she didn’t get the one-on-one or something?
Katie, who knows a camera hog when she sees one, is once again taken aback and pissed.
“I thought you were coming to apologize, to be honest,” she replies.
ABC
“If you have a problem with last night, take it up with Matt.”
The noise travels downstairs, and the women are uncomfortable.
“Do you hear that?”
ABC
“They’re, like, going at it.”
Eventually, Katie reaches her limit with Serena and walks out.
“I cannot reason with crazy,” sighs Katie.
ABC
Serena, meanwhile, heads back downstairs to give her spin to the other women.
“She couldn’t handle what I had to say to her,” she whisper-gloats.
Just at that moment, Katie walks in.
“You don’t have to whisper,” she snaps.
Still, the other women don’t seem to be taking sides.
“We don’t want you screaming at each other, hey.”
She’s got a point, “ladies.”
Why scream at each other when you could be screaming at…
Here she is, rose lovers.Miss “Never Been Kissed"from Colton’s season ofThe Bachelor.
The Nemacolin security guard is just as confused as we are.
So, here’s the short version: Heather Martin isgood friendswith former Bachelorette Hannah Brown.
And Hannah knows Matt James from their time together in thequarantine crew.
Okay, so why did it take Heather so long to crash this party?
Alas, rose lovers, we’re not going to get answers to these questions.
An incredulous Harrison informs Heather that he will take her request to meet Matt to the producers.
“Why don’t you go back to your hotel, and I’ll be in touch.”
Enough with this tomfoolery.
Pieper and Matt, you’re up!
The Bachelor picks her up in some kind of swank SUV and drives her out into the dark woods.
“What’s something you would do at night?”
Matt asks as Pieper quizzes him about where they’re going.
Luckily, her first guess (“get mauled by a bear”) is incorrect.
“Me and Pieper already have our relationship.
We already have common ground,” says Matt.
“We’re really trying to explore what life would look like with each other.”
Blech, I’m turning green just watching them.
But for the couple in question, this whole evening is very romantic.
“Getting to know him has shown me that falling in love is possible here,” gushes Pieper.
“We can work on that together,” he says sweetly.
“It’s something that I’ve struggled with.”
Side note: Matt’s suit is giving meHarold and the Purple Crayonvibes… and I like it!
No, we will not be discussing the “private” concert byTemecula Road.
On to the group date!
But on the bright side, the shirts are cute!
“I feel for the blue team,” says Matt.
Then tell producers you don’t want to send them home!
Bachelors and Bachelorettes have done this before no one is forcing you to follow these absurd rules!
As Kit says, do you really need your wife to be an expert bowler?
And it’s addressed to the blue team?
Matt is inviting them back to the cocktail party so he can spend time with them?
It’s a miracle!
Our Bachelor has a spine, rose lovers!
“This process is too important not to get time with everybody,” he says.
“Everyone should be here.”
Still, the women who haven’t had one-on-ones, like Chelsea, are starting to seriously stress out.
“I’m trying to be patient,” she sighs.
“I don’t want him to give up on me.”
(Honestly, whyhasn’tChelsea had a one-on-one?
She is a freaking goddess.)
Meanwhile, the date rose goes to Michelle.
It’s time for the final date of the week.
“Just be you,” he says.
“That’s why we all love you.
That’s why you’re here.”
Very helpful, Ty.
On to the one-on-one date!
Here’s the good news: It’s with Katie!
“And we’re gonna be ruining his massage!”
Rub his head with the roller!
Then comes the big reveal.
Ha ha ha, great.
Can Katie have a real date now?
(So wait, did she and Mattreallynot enjoy any spa treatments?)
From what we’ve seen, they don’t have a lot of chemistry.
“I’m here for you through it all,” adds Katie.
“I’m committed and I can see this continuing…
I’m here ‘til the end if you want me to be.”
Unfortunately, Katie, he does not.
I can’t give you this rose tonight.”
But I’m not worried about Katie.
She’ll be fine.
To be fair, she didn’t celebrate as much as I thought she would.
Hilariously, though, the show doesn’t even send a car to pick her up.
Step on it, Heather.
The party is about to start!
Girl come on youhaveto know you just jinxed everything!
Or tries to, at least.
“Who is it?
Who is it?”
one of them whispers.
“It’s too late for that!”
When the Bachelor sees her, he bursts out laughing.
he says, shocked.
“What the heck?”
(Did you see the vein popping out on her forehead?)
“She’s from Colton’s season!”
says Serena P. “She’s friends, I think, with Hannah Brown.”
Pieper is “stressed out and pissed off,” and Jessenia is just straight-up over it.
“She’s had her time,” she sniffs.
“Like, go home kindly.”
Serena P. agrees: “If she gets a rose tonight, I’ll be rageful.”
Hold that thought, Serena P., because the episode is over.
Quite a week, rose lovers!
Were you surprised to see Katie go home?
And can we kindly all send up a prayer to keep Magi off ofParadise?
She’s too good for this franchise.
Post your thoughts below!
