And yet Istillcan’t believe it!
Girl, I thought you had more common sense!
But, you know, congrats to the happy couple, or whatever.
ABC
(LOL at “we.”
As if our co-hosts do admin work!)
LOL at “officially quit the show.”
Blake and Katie on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Yep, the Bachelorette has finally left the bathroom.
“The love that I had for him is… real,” she says tearfully.
“Which is why today is so heartbreaking.”
ABC
Suddenly, we’re back in the Thunderdome, and Katie is on the couch for a post-meltdown post-mortem.
“In that moment I was defeated,” she says.
“In that moment I completely blame myself.
Who doesn’t love a hot-tub make out sesh?.ABC
I am trying everything I can to make him stay.
Sorry, gotta throw a penalty flag on that claim, rose lovers.
She wants to blast Greg for abruptly abandoning their relationship?
It’s nice to see people eat on this show.ABC
But it sure seems like she’s guilty of doing the exact same thing.
Anyhoo, back to the interview.
“I never saw that side of [Greg],” says Katie.
ABC
“I was very caught off guard.”
“I didn’t know how to handle whatever my next step would be,” says Katie.
Today she still feels a lot of “anger and sadness” about her breakup with Greg.
Justin in the Reject SUV.ABC
Dang, shots fired!
Now, let’s go back to Katie’s “journey,” already in progress… “What we’re about to tell you will actually change everything,” announces Kaitlyn.
“Greg has left.”
Aunt Lindsey doesn’t play, y’all!.ABC
Awwww, one last Justin GIF for the road.
In other words: Fantasy Suites are a go!
“I’m glad that she made the decision to stay,” says Blake.
Katie’s mom shares some words of wisdom.ABC
Fear not, Blake.
“There’s a part of me that wanted to quit,” admits Katie.
“I wanted to let you know everything that’s been happening…
Beware the Zozobora!.ABC
This week was just kind of this huge shift in a lot of things.”
Blake listens attentively and then offers this thoughtful response: “That’s a lot.”
Then they make out again.
ABC
Good talk, everybody.
“I probably underestimated the amount that she cared or thought about him,” he says.
At last, Blake and I agree on something!
ABC
“You yelled, ‘Go America!'”
“And it was when I remembered that moment, and without thinking about it…
I said to myself, ‘F—, I love her.'”
ABC
Uh… what now?
Cut to:
“It still feels like we’re in a dream,” says Blake.
“She made me feel like I was the only person here.”
Oh crap, Justin!
I forgot all about that poor guy as did Katie.
“It was great.
On her way to get engaged?.ABC
I was plenty… satisfied.
Many times,” says Katie, as Kaitlyn shrieks in approval.
“I was like, ‘This is it!
Kaitlyn and Tayshia on proposal day.ABC
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for!'”
“It was just like the best day of my life.”
That leads us to part two, rose lovers: Letting Justin down gently.
Group hug!.ABC
“I love Katie,” says Justin.
And that is something that I can only say to one person… Justin is understandably hurt, and it takes him a few deep sighs before he’s ready to respond.
“I think the world of you,” he says, choking up.
ABC
“I just hope you know how special you are…
I hope he knows what he has in you and that he doesn’t take you for granted.”
Awww, we stan a heartbroken gentleman.
ABC
“I hope everything works out,” says Justin, before climbing into the Reject SUV.
“And that’s it.”
Dude, think about what you just said: You’ve known this woman for one month.
ABC
Back in the Thunderdome, an emotional Justin meets with Katie for the first time since The Dumping.
After taking a minute to collect himself, he presses the Bachelorette for clarity.
Not so, says Katie.
Once again, she explains that she didn’t really know it was Blake until their final one-on-one date.
“We did have a huge connection.”
Justin appreciates her reassurance, and he thanks her for helping him become a “better person.”
Justin, for one, is very curious.
But first (Julie Chen voice), it’s time for Blake to meet Katie’s family.
He’s feeling a lot of pressure, especially since he’s the last man standing.
“I’m excited, but I’m scared and nervous,” he says.
“There’s a lot of pressure on being, like, perfect, in a way.”
“She’s not affectionate at all,” notes Katie.
“She’s a tough cookie.”
Then she puts the million-dollar question to Blake directly:
Oh boy, do I love this woman.
And she does not relent.
Well, that clearly worked!
“You’d better be secure as s— coming into our family,” says Lindsey.
Not sure where that heat’s coming from.
Wonder how things are going with Katie and her mom?
I’m starting to sense a theme here.
Lindsey, meanwhile, is still hammering Blake on his intentions.
What’s he going to do if their marriage hits a rough patch?
When Blake says they’ll do whatever they can to fix things, Lindsey scoffs.
“Yeah, that’s not how it works,” she says with a derisive laugh.
Lindsey is equally tough with her niece.
Because the rest we don’t care about.”
Take some more time to get to know each other."
“She seems so happy,” says Rhonda Lee.
“And that’s all that matters to a parent.”
After the visit, Blake is a little rattled.
“The intent coming in here was to propose and get engaged,” he says.
“But there’s a difference between talking about it and doing it…
There’s just a lot that I need to take into consideration.”
I’m not surprised, buddy.
You know what always makes me feel better when I’m stressed?
Setting stuff on fire!
Participants write down their fears, insecurities, regrets, etc.
on paper and stuff them inside the creepy statue and then set the whole thing ablaze.
Hmmm I wonder what negative thing Katie wrote down in her journal.
Just kidding, rose lovers.
Blake reads his entry first: “The feeling of being stagnant in life I dread… Katie’s entry is equally earnest: “Today marks a fresh start… Light ‘em up, you two!
Rather than feeling unburdened by this ritual, Blake feels tense.
“What if I’m not ready to propose?”
“It’s just stressful.
She’ll be devastated.”
You know who else will be devastated if there’s no proposal?
“I wasn’t expecting to call you this early,” she says.
“I need some rings as soon as possible!”
“, this happens:
“You okay?”
asks Tayshia, after watching Blake stare at the rings in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds too long.
“You seem a little stressed.”
Too bad Blake’s spiraling.
With every ring Tayshia hands him to peruse, Blake gets more and more uncomfortable.
“You’ll be getting on a knee pretty soon here,” prompts Tayshia gently.
“With the girl that…you were honestly willing to risk it all for.”
That was… not what Blake wanted to hear.
somebody did pick him, and now he’s got to get TV-engaged!
“My head just feels like scrambled eggs,” he says.
“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do this.”
Meanwhile…
“I have zero doubts.
I will be leaving here with a ring on my finger, and a fiance,” announces Katie.
“And I feel so confident saying that.”
“She wants to get engaged,” Tayshia tells Blake.
“If you’re not ready for that… then it’s crucial that you let her go.”
Oh, something tells me that Mr. Moynes has no intentions of letting anything go.
This is what he came for, after all to win a season ofThe Bachelorette!
Any season ofThe Bachelorettewill do.
Weirdly enough, when Katie arrives at the Proposal PlatformTM, there’s no one there to greet her.
That’s the benefit of having two hosts, after all.
“Oh my gosh, my heart just dropped,” says Tayshia with a worried sigh.
No need to fret, Tayshia!
Shall we jump ahead a bit, rose lovers?
Yes, let’s.
When Blake arrives at the Proposal PlatformTM, Katie pours her heart out.
“You showed up exactly when you were meant to show up.
I’ll forever be thankful that you fought to be here,” she says.
Anyhow, he pops the question, and she says yes.
“We’re engaged!”
they shout into the wind.
Time for a group hug!
“I feel like we’re matchmakers!”
gushes Kaitlyn, as she and Tayshia clink their champagne glasses.
(Though weirdly enough the words “After the Final Rose” are nowhere to be found.
Everyone just keeps calling it “theBachelorettefinale.")
“I felt like I was giving her my everything,” he says.
“And I just wanted at least some bit back in that moment.”
(Narrator: It doesn’t.)
Nor does he harbor any negative feelings toward the newly-engaged Bachelorette.
“I’m grateful for her,” says Greg.
“She brought happiness into me when I didn’t know it was really missing.”
So I guess we’re all gonna be adults about this.
Then again…
Brrrr, is it cold in here, or is Katie clearly still not over Greg?
“I’m already feeling a little tension here,” notes Kaitlyn helpfully.
You are correct, ma’am!
(That last part is true.)
“You spoke down to me.
You didn’t even bother to say goodbye.
You say you love me, but I don’t think you know what love is!
Because that was the time I needed you the most, and you ran away.”
It’s an applause line for sure, and the audience claps dutifully.
Flame me if you want, rose lovers, but the lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Anyhow, that’s when Katie lands her most ruthless blow.
Indeed, the guydid attend the William Esper Studio a Manhattan-based school for the performing arts in 2019.
Rose lovers, lots of Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants are wannabe actors.Of coursethey are!
Does that mean Greg was acting when he professed his love for Katie?
Does it mean he went on the show because he wanted attention?
Becauseliterally every personwho goes onThe BachelororBachelorette including Katie Thurston herself wants attention.
That’s why I’m so put off by Katie’s “gotcha” attack on Greg.
Pot, zip your lip you and the kettle are both black.
The Bachelorette is unmoved.
I really don’t know if I actually know who Greg is.”
All Greg can do is protest, apologize, repeat what he’s said before.
“I’m sorry if you thought I was talking down to you,” he says.
Katie snaps back, “Gaslighting is the better word.”
God, these millennials love to throw around the term ‘gaslighting’ anytime anyone upsets them.
Survey says: Close, but not quite right!
Feel free toGoogle the definitionorwatch the movie, honey.
Even after Greg apologizes multiple times, Katie still isn’t satisfied.
(Because she’s still hung up on him, y’all!)
Side note: This must be really fun for Blake to watch, huh?
More applause for Greg!
They go around and around until Katie gets in one last snarky dig.
“My person is not Greg,” she snaps.
“And when he left, so did everything I felt for him.”
Can we end this now?
Oh look, it’s the “happy” “couple.”
“It’s tough to celebrate an engagement secretly,” says Blake.
“We’re just ready to get out and, like, live real life now.”
“They are finding out as Bachelor Nation is finding out,” she says.
“I couldn’t trust them to keep a secret.”
Yeah, I’m sure that’s it.
Now that her “journey” is over, Katie says the whole thing was absolutely worth it.
“I just really want to thank you ladies,” she says, her voice cracking.
Dammit, that was pretty sweet.
Of course, Katie LOVES it.
Cool, cool, cool.
Congrats again, you two and best of luck.
Lil Jon in the Rose Palapa?
Welp, rose lovers, anotherBachelorette"journey” comes to an end.
Some questions for you: Did Katie make the right choice?
Am I the only one who thinks she’s still hung up on Greg?
Post your thoughts below!
