The second coming of Jesus Christ.
The third season ofWestworld.
The moment Alabama Hannah realizes Luke P. is a sexist douche-boat and sends his ass packing.
Credit: ABC
Apologies, Im getting ahead of myself, rose lovers.
Lets talk Fantasy Suite dates.
Hannah and her dudestravel by mapto the absolutely breathtaking island of Crete, Greece.
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It is a dream place to fall in love, notes Hannah.
Sing it, sister!
Its been a long time since Ive been physical at all with a man, says Hannah.
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But Fantasy Suite week is not about sex.
Its about getting real, raw time away from the cameras, she explains.
Sure but its also about sex, and Hannah is fine with that.
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And what better foreplay than a romantic sailing trip through the crystal-blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea?
Do you know how much I like you?
he murmurs, as they recline on the boat deck.
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You have no idea.
Thats right, she doesnt because you havent told her, dummy!
Pilot Pete knows he has to drop the L-bomb at dinner, as terrifying as it may be.
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So when we were flying… Oh, come ON, Peter.
She knows you love flying.
EVERYONE knows you love flying.
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Just say I love you.
you could do it:I. You.It wont kill you.
Yes, we know not all your previous relationships were perfect.
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Yes, weknowthat you have never met anyone like Hannah before.
Yes, we know it’s possible for you to be your true self with her.
Thank you, reality TV Jesus!
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Now get these randy kids to the Fantasy Suite, stat!
Actually, should I say the Fantasy Windmill?
And it comes equipped with its own supply of rubbers, which Hannah finds inside a wooden chest.
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That was not me this time!
insists Peter, blushing and trying to block the camera with his hand.
Anyhow, they came in handy.
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Doesnt this look like a satisfied customer?
Last night was the best night of my life, says Peter.
We came together, like, so much last night and just bonded.
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Uh, we probably didnt needallthat information, Pete.
Pilot Pete is feeling mic drop confident, but Hannah still has three more dudes to test drive.
Im 1,000 percent sure that physical intimacy with Tyler is not an issue, Hannah informs us.
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I want to be physical with him.
Still, the Bachelorette feels nervous and scared that her connection with Tyler is more physical than emotional.
Hannahs mission at dinner, then, is to determine whether Tyler can truly be her forever person.
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And when they sit down, she gets right to the point.
There is a concern for me about our physical relationship, she tells him.
It is a huge part of our relationship…
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But, like, it has to be more.
I just want to be with you, he says.
You have to love and respect and honor each others boundaries, you know?
I would never press you or pressure you at all.
Congrats, Tyler everything you just said is perfect!
And its clear you actually mean it!
As for his declaration of love?
Hannah, too, is pleased with everything Tylers had to say.
I think he handled what I said really well tonight, she reports.
It didnt faze him…
I feel really good about going into a Fantasy Suite with him and just being respected.
Ah to be young, respectful, and in love.
I had a really great night with Tyler, says Hannah.
We would make out and he would stop and just hold me…
He was the most respectful man thats ever been with me.Ever.
Wow, its gonna be hard to follow that, Jed.
Especially when youre already so salty about Luke getting a rose last week.
It was just hurtful to stand there next to Luke, he says.
But I dont want to let someone else affect our relationship.
The date Hannah has planned involves crashing a random Greek familys gathering.
Im not ready to make a decision just yet, she says.
This week is really important to me I get more time with the four men that Im dating.
Naturally, the nice Greek lady has another question.
Of course, Jed is sittingright there.
So yeah, Hannah howareyou going to decide?
The Greek lady nods politely, no doubt wishing she could just enjoy her spanakopita and salad in peace.
Though he probably wants to scream WHY THE F IS LUKE STILL HERE?
Jed manages to keep it together.
Like, how honest do you want me to be?
Oh, 100 percent girl.
I met his family, I do think hes here for me.
And there is a connection, but Im still trying to figure it out.
All she really has to go on, adds Hannah, is a feeling.
In fact, that night its the Bachelorette who brings Luke up first.
I actually do appreciate the conversation that you pulled me aside for, she says.
I know how you feel about me, and I see it as coming from a good place.
(If only.)
With that said, Hannah is hoping that the talking about Luke portion of the date will be over.
she asks Jed with a smile.
Jed has one last thing hed like to get off his chest and its a doozy.
Lets playWhats Hannah Thinking Right Now?, rose lovers!
Is it…
Answer: None of the above!
It causes me to just feel worried, says Jed.
And when I feel worried, I feel like I retract how I feel.
Can we just all take a moment to appreciate the irony of this situation?
Of course, the whole conversation makes Hannah feel awful.
Thanks, man, she says with a wry laugh.
I dont want you to go any further.
I think Im good now.
But there is anger behind her laughter, too.
Why cant Jed just trust her to make her own decisions?
Who is he to tell her which guys are and arent acceptable final-four options?
Im really frustrated, she says.
That makes me mad.
Of course, Jed follows her, too.
I do not want to do this anymore, fumes Hannah, turning her back to Jed.
He refuses to give her some space though and instead asks for a hug.
Welp, thats settled.
How about a night in the Fantasy Suite, you two?
Im more sure than Ive ever been about you, drawls Jed.
We didnt sleep a wink, Jed informs us.
It felt like a dream.
Yeah, yeah, yeah enough of that guy.
On to the main event!
Youre the one all right, buddy the one we all want to disappear.
I think we can all agree that the daytime portion of this date does not matter.
Hannah, for one, is ready to get down (pa-ta-bow-ooooh!)
with Luke, who she says is the best kisser of the bunch.
I dont know what his church is teaching him, but that boy can kiss!
Once the sun sets, though, it doesnt take long for things to go south.
(I want it the way I want it, he says.)
I want to double-check that from now on, things are known how theyre supposed to be.
Im sorry…whatis happening?
Hannah, too, seems a little confused by Lukes vaguely grandiose ideas.
Oh, its time to panic, girl.
Lets listen in as Luke schools Hannah about morality and marital hygiene.
Sex is incredible and beautiful, but only when its in the guidelines of marriage.
As stated inthe book of Hebrews, Luke continues, the marriage bed should be kept pure.
with Jed, Tyler, or Peter.
I just want to hear it from your mouth, he says.
I just want to ensure youre not going to be sexually intimate with the other relationships here.
Though she says, Okay, its pretty clear Hannahcannot freaking believewhat she is hearing.
And Luke, that glorious jackass, just keeps talking to fill the silence.
Then her voice gets stronger.
Now shes on a roll.
Luke tries to cut her off and she just stops him with a firm, No.
(I may have screamed Fk yeah Hannah B!
at my screen in that moment.)
Sex might be a sin out of marriage, [but] pride is a sin too.
And I feel like this is a pride thing.
Read him, Hannah!Read.Him.
Throw that Bible knowledge right back in his smarmy,cartoon-character-lookingface!
I just want to know whats going on, he says.
Unfortunately for him, he also tries to interrupt Hannah again, and the Bachelorette does NOT love it.
Im a grown woman and can make my own decisions, declares Hannah.
Rose lovers, I honestly cannot believe what comes out of Lukes mouth next.
It is truly a next-level accomplishment in misogyny and abject cluelessness.
He says, and I quote, I can understand a slip-up.
But, like, with all of them?
If you were like, You know what?
That is like theRipleys Believe It or Notof horrifying stupidity.
The words that youre saying are just, like, really not okay, Hannah informs him.
We watch as it slowly dawns on her: Yes, everybody else was telling the truth about Luke.
And she is pissed.
This is the guy she defended again and again, despite all the bullst.
And to ignore all the red flags for how I feel… to have you saythisabout me?
Theres so many things that I dont want out of a husband that youve shown.
Let he who is without sincast the first stone.
I have prayed so much for clarity, and I feel like Ive finally gotten clarity on you.
And I do not want you to be my husband.
Tears, rose lovers.
I am crying actual tears of joy.
I am crankingNSYNCat this very moment.
Of course, Luke refuses to believe that this is the end for him.
The dude even has the audacity to claim that Hannah owes it to him to hear him out.
I dont owe you anything at this point!
like, get up!
So what if Hannah literally just said she doesnt want him to be her husband?
Shes a woman, so she couldnt possibly know what she really wants!
Theres something in me that is refusing me to get into that vehicle right now, Luke says.
Hannahs all,Challenge accepted.
I have had sex, she replies.
And Jesus still loves me.
you might clench your fist all you want, Luke it doesnt change the fact that you lost.
I answer to the Lord, says Hannah.
I dont answer to Luke.
As for the whole I never have to deal with him again thing…
Ugh.
But for now, rose lovers, lets celebrate!
Weve been waiting for this moment for weeks was it as satisfying as you hoped it would be?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on ABC.
