The dates start on The Bachelorette, but Clare thinks the guys aren’t trying hard enough.
Good Lord, rose lovers, its week 2 and were skipping rose ceremonies already?
Of course, this is no ordinary season ofThe Bachelorette.
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC
I dont know what to do!
Dont worry, honey the producers have that covered.
Over at the guys villa (or whatever),Chris Harrisonhas arrived with a date card.
ABC
Side note: Was there a sale on pastel tees at the La Quinta gift shop?
Ill admit, Im surprised Dale didnt get the one-on-one this week… but Im getting ahead of myself.
to another part of the resort grounds, where Clare and Harrison await.
Im committed to giving you everything I have, he says.
I am who I am, and Im here.
Yes, yes you are.
ABC
Just look at them go!
And that, kids, is what happens when your pants are too damn tight.
His body doesnt allow him to sweat!
Look at that gorgeous stride!
Adds Jason, He looks like a damn antelope!
(Side note No.
ABC
2: I would definitely watch a full hour of these doofuses making fun of each other.)
Unclear); Other Zac gifts Clare a book (HE ACTUALLY BROUGHT A BOOK TO QUARANTINE!
SOMEONE MARRY HIM THIS SECOND!
ABC
); and last but never least, Dale presents Clare with perfume… for her dogs.
(Is that a thing?
Up next: Physical touch!
Ive gotta say, rose lovers, I am digging the low-budget vibe of this date.
Oh, she feels it, buddy.
Jordan speaks for all of us: Watching Clare with Dale was definitely uncomfortable.
The post-date cocktail party is all about the love language known as quality time.
I cannot wait to be pulled aside and just continue sharing the love, says Clare, giddily.
What the holy hell?
Hasno onehere seen this show?
Bennett finally offers to kick things off, but the damage has already been done.
Dont everybody jump at once, moans Clare, as she walks away with Harvard.
Im not sure if youve noticed, rose lovers, but our Bachelorette is a bit high maintenance.
Im a little bit taken aback, she huffs.
Fortunately, Dale whisks Clare away before things can devolve further into chaos and she LOVES it.
I totally have feelings for you, confesses the Bachelorette, once she and Dale are alone.
Wouldnt you know it, Dale feels the same way!
Is it possible that Dale has some real competition?
(Dont answer that.)
Theres an Accent Table of Doom at the door!
If you might believe it, rose lovers, its Jason who gets the first one-on-one date with Clare.
Im the first to crack jokes, says the Bachelorette.
Im the first to just… make a joke out of myself to make others laugh.
Um, has Clare met herself?
Anyhow, she chose Jason for this date so they could set aside the wisecracks and practice letting go.
After a cleansing scream, they take turns writing negative things people have said about them on clay tiles.
Jasons include manipulative, selfish, cant love, insecure, and cold and mean.
Clares: Needy, hard to love, too picky, Im a bitch.
They smash the tiles to bits and then read each other their letters.
This is just the kind of vulnerability Clare is looking for.
Jason gets the date rose, and a big ol smooch.
Burn, baby, burn!
I really do want a man who has some balls!
So today, we are going to be playing dodgeball.
Also, did we mention that it’s strip dodgeball?
Which is totally a thing?
Once the game gets going, the Black Box of Shame TM really gets a workout.
Clare sends the naked men home with nothing but their sneakers and their shame to keep them warm.
Dear God, I hope La Quinta burned that furniture after production wrapped.
I hope we get a new couch, says Bennett.
I think we should get a cleaning crew in here, for real.
At the post-game cocktail party, Eazy starts things off right by giving Clare a foot massage.
I really like him, rose lovers.
Do you think hell stick around after Clare (allegedly) leaves?
Next, Chasen tells Clare about being bullied as a kid, and they share a smooch.
Uh-oh, whats this?
He strolls in and interrupts Jays conversation with the Bachelorette.
I mean… didnt you lose?
Jay asks rudely, before skulking away.
The Bachelorette diffuses the situation and sends Blake home but not before denying him a kiss.
That did not go the way I thought it was going to, mumbles Blake to himself.
I havent been rejected like that in a long time.
If you thought that was awkward, get a load of Clares sit-down with Brandon.
Dude, you are on camera and wearing a mic whispering is not going to help.
(Im paraphrasing.)
How hard would it have been for him to find one clip of Clare saying something about anything?
Thats it, you buffoon!
Brandon cannot deliver, and so he gets the boot.
I have so many questions!)
Anyhoo, Chasen gets the rose.
These, Yosef says, are red flags, and he is not going to let them slide.
Everything you are doing is so right, she tells him.
I dont want you to worry any longer.
If only they knew how little this all mattered!
The only person who matters to Clare is sitting with her right now.
What are they talking about?
Youre not meant to go through these things alone, says Dale.
Youre not meant to go through life alone.
Of course, Clare LOVES it… but what do you guys think of Dale?
Im not sure Ive detected one yet.
Yep, theyre making out again.
I feel like what is happening with Dale and I is just magical, sighs Clare.
Would you look at that, were out of time!
For now, rose lovers, let me know how youre feeling about Clares journey so far.
Was the strip dodgeball game humiliating or all in good fun?
Would Jason make a good Bachelor (afterMatt James, of course)?
And what is your love language?
(Mines sleep.)
See you next week!
