In 2020, we need to take our victories when we can however small.
This week, rose lovers, newBachelorettestar Tayshia rid the world of a hideous scourge.
Not all heroes wear capes, folks.
Credit: ABC/Craig Sjodin
Other stuff happened, too.
They head over to… Awww, its Ashley and Jared, Bachelor Nations most successful romantic disasters!
Like, can you tell time basic.
ABC
Harvard might have to drop their tuition prices after seeing Bennetts performance today, notes Ed.
Perhaps Bennett will do better in the feats of strength?
Nope, because hes sitting those out due to an old football knee injury.
ABC
Wait, that dude played football?
I mean, just look at him!
Unfortunately for Joe, his ass is not grown enough to beat Ivan in the grab the bouquet challenge.
ABC
Hes still cute though.
Cant wait to see him inParadise(someday, sigh).
The breakfast in bed portion of the Grown Man Challenge really brings out the cheeseball in these guys.
ABC
Isanyonehere a fan of morning sex?
(Dont answer that.)
Bennett, meanwhile, changes into a terrycloth robe before bringing Tayshia some pastries and coffee.
ABC
The Bachelorette doesnt exactly LOVE it, but she doesnt hate it, either.
Bennetts bougie, she says.
And Im bougie, so I appreciate it.
Not appreciated by anyone?
Im sorry, I was tested!
Not an excuse, lady!
ABC
The doll immediately starts crying the second Ed puts it in his clumsy arms.
(Wouldnt you?)
Im gonna own it!
ABC
This is a good look.
He even gives his fake baby a name: Carlos.
(Speaking of creepy-ass babies, have you guys watchedServant?
ABC
Its worth checking out.)
Bennett wins the Grown-Ass Man Award.
I guess Tayshia reallydoeslove bougie guys.
ABC
That just shows that hes classless.
Now, now, Chasen people in reality show houses shouldnt throw stones.
(And yes, I do have to keep looking up everyones name still!
ABC
which is why I keep linking to the guys profile pages.)
Oh no, Ivan… what are you doing?
Why are you putting that blindfold on Tayshia?
ABC
Youre going to blindfold her so it’s possible for you to… feed her strawberries?
How isthatsupposed to be romantic?
Oh, I see its a bait and switch.
ABC
You just put the blindfold on her so you could go in for the kiss without any pressure.Blech.
Come on, Ivan youre better than that, man.
Uh-oh, now Chasen is insulting Eds chicken legs.
WILL THESE CONTESTANTS NEVER LEARN?
Snitches get sent home!
You know how the rest of this goes, rose lovers.
(Wait, that last part is new.
The two meatheads are still yelling at each other as Tayshia approaches the holding pen.
I really enjoyed the romantic connection we made this evening, she says.
So the weird blindfold thing worked?
I willneverunderstand women, tbh.
The Ed-Chasen beef carries over into the next night.
Im going to address it tonight in front of all the gentlemen and squash it.
I did use one adjective to describe [both] Clare and Tayshia, says Chasen.
And my new word: Shes a smokeshow.
Oh honey, no.
Chasens new vocabulary word is greeted with chuckles from some, stunned silence from others.
The look onKenny the boy band managers face says it all.
What woman wants to be called a smokeshow?
Gimme a break, dude.
(He later points out, correctly, that smokeshow is a noun, not an adjective.)
I really wish poor Carlos wasnt being exposed to all of this toxic masculinity.
So far, Im having a great night!
Thats because you havent talked to Ed yet!
Its not a good look, Chasen!
she says of his intimidation tactics.
This stuff is so petty to me.
The Bachelorette makes it clear to Chasen that she finds his behavior concerning, so hed better shape up.
(Cuz she needs a man she needs a man!
Ed remains obstinate, but the other guys keep them from coming to blows.
(Way to do the bare minimum, buddy!)
join Ivan and Brendan in the Safe Space.
You know what this episode could use?
Men being basted with oil like the big dumb turkeys that they are.
Sorry, sorry, let me back up.
Helping oversee the beatings is WWE hall-of-famer Amy Dumas and UFC fighter Tatiana Suarez.
They launch the guys through some basic moves, and then have them practice some trash-talking.
Joe the anesthesiologist is really terrible at smack talk, and its freaking adorable.
Just look at him!
Im a lover, Im not a fighter.
Joe is also a gracious loser.
The matches continue apace, and the guys put their all into it.
His balls are in his face!
cries Tayshia, watching Jordan and Brendan grapple.
Ed watches all of the carnage with increasing unease.
(Maybe Spencer is right perhaps Eds physique is all about glamour muscles.)
Is that why Team Bachelorette showed us footage of Ed lifting weights earlier in the episode?
Were they preemptively calling bulls— on his shoulder excuse?
(To be fair, Ed says he has to be very careful when he pumps iron.)
So Ed is deemed unfit to wrestle, which leaves Chasen without an opponent.
Can you guess who won?
Correct me if Im wrong, rose lovers, but I believe that belt says Champion of Tayshias Heart.
Kinda sweet, but it was more romantic when they did it onBrooklyn Nine-Nine.
And thats exactly what Tayshia does!
Its not that I dont like it, she says diplomatically.
But I wonder what you look like without that thing?
Hell get his time, right?
Oh dear, here comes Noah and he comes bearing a grooming tool!
Thats right, Tayshia, kill it!
Kill it with battery-operated fire!
You look really good!
I like this Noah.
And wouldnt you know it?
Theres no time left for poor Ben to share his pre-planned nightcap with Tayshia.
Ben, she says with a sigh, the nightsover.
Im kind of disappointed you didnt come find me earlier, to be honest.
Thats gotta hurt.
And now for the second blow: Noah gets the date rose.
You look really good without the stache!
Do you guys agree?
Im really pissed with Noah, grumbles Ben.
Im not gonna let this go unresolved.
Chasen complains that Noah double-dipped by crashing the group date.
I thought Spencer was the villain?
Not this week, I guess.
Who else are you rooting for?
And should Harvard be worried about its reputation?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorette airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC
Related content:
