Bienvenidos a Mexico, rose lovers!
Mexico looks pretty, as does our Bachelorette.
“We’re not really friends because we’re competing for the same girl,” notes Joe.
Michelle Young.ABC
“It is awkward, very awkward.”
And it’s only going to get awkwarder!
(Yes, I know that’s not a word.)
Awkward…ABC
(Spoiler: She will.)
Brandon, you’re up!
Literally up on a horse.
Brandon and Michelle.ABC
A lot of firsts for Brandon today.
It’s his first time being out of the country, and his first time on a horse.
Just think on it, okay?
Brandon and Michelle.ABC
Still, these two are cute together, even if Brandon just seems way too young to get married.
“I want you to know, I will always, always put you first,” he continues.
Though she doesn’t fully reciprocate, Michelle LOVES it.
Such lovely handwriting.ABC
“That’s not something I say lightly.
That’s not something that I feel easily.
I do see a future with you.”
Brandon and Michelle.ABC
You know what time it is, rose lovers:
Tayshia and Kaitlyn have nice handwriting!
Of course, Brandon accepts the invite.
“Tonight was a reality check.”
Michelle and Brandon.ABC
Dude, the whole SHOW is a reality check.
Anyhow, Brandon and Michelle look happy the next morning.
This cute tableau quickly devolves into a breakfast sandwich food fight.
Joe, Brandon and Nayte.ABC
So much delicious-looking food wasted on this stupid show!
Also, I hope production gave housekeeping an extra big tip.
You know how hard it is to get green juice out of pristine white sheets?
Joe and Michelle.ABC
Nayte breaks the silence with an uncomfortable laugh.
“This is just awkward,” says Brandon, trying to smile through the pain.
Welp, okay then.
Michelle and Joe.ABC
Joe, you’re up!
The point is, rose lovers, that we all have different names for this maneuver.
“Joe and I have moved at a little bit of a slower pace,” Michelle notes.
Date card no. 2.ABC
“Last week, Joe told me he’s falling in love with me.
It is fun to hear his high-pitched, timid little “Aaaaaah!”
scream as he rides the zipline himself.
Joe and Michelle.ABC
“There’s just so much more to learn about him,” she says.
And Michelle LOVES it.
“I want a life that is impactful,” she says.
I really hope someone ate this food.ABC
“Making a difference is incredibly important to me.”
Ok, so these two are aligned philosophically and geographically, but how about chemically?
I don’t even know where to begin with that statement.
Not so cocky now, are we, Nayte?.ABC
“Just because you already know there’s a connection there.”
Brandon tries not to take the bait, but it’s clear he’s still stressed out.
“She’s dating two other guys, you know what I mean?”
They’re on a boat.ABC
“And it’s like, that’s my woman.
That’s my wife.”
Nayte interrupts “Not yet!”
Could you be more specific, sir?.ABC
and Brandon looks kind of crushed, to be honest.
Meanwhile, back at the dinner table…
Honestly, those old-timey keys make me laugh EVERY TIME.
The final Fantasy Suite card.ABC
They’re staying at a Hilton, for pete’s sake!
“I’m falling even more in love with you, every moment that we get together.”
Michelle says she has the “clarity” she needs after spending one night with Joe.
Michelle is all in.ABC
Great now eat your breakfast, kids!
I had a good time.
It was fun.”
Medic!.ABC
Nayte’s face falls immediately.
Again, bro, what were you expecting?
Actually, don’t answer that.
Brandon’s Hail Mary.ABC
Get your game face on and take your Dramamine Michelle’s here for her final date of the week.
“I don’t want the day to end.”
“This whole engagement thing is a week away,” says the Bachelorette.
Michelle, Kaitlyn, and Tayshia.ABC
“And it’s important for me to know if he can get there.”
And by “there” she means, the land of “I love you.”
Will Nayte drop the L-bomb tonight, or does Michelle more into him than he is into her?
There, there, Joe.ABC
Let’s head to dinner and find out.
On top of that, he’s not expressing the level of emotion that Michelle is hoping to hear.
Which of those are you ready for?"
Is that somethingmarryingher, Nayte?
I don’t think so.
You ready for that, bro?
“Most definitely,” says Nayte, after an almost imperceptible pause.
I don’t see myself pulling away, not at all."
Welp, it’s all over but the handwritten invitation.
“A huge weight has just been lifted off my heart,” says Michelle giddily.
Still, here we are:
Cool, cool.
Let’s just jump ahead, shall we?
Thedopamine and norepinephrinemust really be flowing this morning, because suddenly Nayte is all in.
“You’re something that I want to hold onto,” he says.
“I’m falling in love with you.
I’m in love with you.”
And guess what, rose lovers?
Looks like Nayte has gone from worst to first over the course of an evening.
“I firmly believe this is what a soulmate feels like,” she says.
Nothing against the band, but “Canta y No Llores” isn’t exactly first-thing-in-the-morning music.
Get it together, pal.
The rose ceremony is upon us!
And Michelle has quite a dilemma on her hands.
“I have to break someone’s heart.”
Just as she’s about to pick up the first rose, though, Brandon steps forward.
“Before we start, do you think I can talk to you?”
Michelle agrees, much to Nayte and Joe’s chagrin.
“F—, man,” Nayte mutters as Brandon and Michelle walk out.
“When I told you that I love you…
I truly mean that I will be here for you, regardless of whatever happens to you.”
Michelle is overcome with emotion, and she wipes away tears as he speaks.
Is she upset because she is planning on sending him home?
Or is she just overwhelmed by the prospect of sending anyone home?
Let’s get to it and find out.
Rose ceremony roll call: Nayte and Brandon are Michelle’s final two men.
So sorry, Joe.
Would you yo take a moment and… What in the holy hell are Kaitlyn and Tayshia wearing?
Guess there was a 2-for-1 sale at the Latex-N-Sequins Emporium.
Sorry for the interruption, Joe.
Would you c’mon join Michelle outside on the Bye-Bye Bench?
“I care about you so much… And I’m sorry.
I didn’t want to break your heart.
It’s just, I can’t be your person.”
Joe remains stoic, but he assures Michelle that he’s brokenhearted.
“I want to thank you for pushing me to be more open.”
Then they share a sad goodbye hug.
“I’m in shock,” he says quietly.
“I didn’t see that coming.”
But it’s probably for the best.
Holy cow, rose lovers there’s just one (three-hour) episode left.
We’re gonna need to get our rest and stay hydrated if we want to survive.
Before you go, a few questions: Are you surprised she sent Joe home?
Do you think Brandon saved himself at the last minute or was he always in Michelle’s final two?
And why would anyone waste a perfectly good breakfast sandwich in a food fight?
Post your thoughts below!
