Happy Tuesday before Thanksgiving, rose lovers!
Hope everyone stays safe (and at home) for the holiday weekend.
Before we all adjourn to chow down on some turkey, lets chew over this weeks episode ofThe Bachelorette.
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC
(Im sorry, that was just terrible.
And thenChris Harrisoncomes in to twist the knife just a little bit more.
You shaved the mustache, and you got the rose on a date you werent even on!
ABC
So, lesson learned: Tayshia likes bold.
The guys all disperse to their corners and take a stab at write something remotely usable.
The concert begins, and… you know, its a tone-deaf nightmare.
ABC
But the guys do their best.
Then comes Blake, whose song has no actual melody but he does use an accordion and a mandolin.
But Bennetts embarrassing performance is good news for Ivan!
ABC
Though Demar offers some stiff competition with his original composition, Mocha Latte, Tayshia crowns Ivan the winner.
I would love for you to meet me at my suite tonight, says the Bachelorette.
Just a reminder: Ivan is a 28-year-old aeronautical engineer who enjoys playing chess against himself.
ABC
Is he too quiet and reserved for Tayshia?
Hes not the typical punch in of guy I may go for, says the Bachelorette.
Hes shy at times.
ABC
Nothin wrong with shy, honey!
And, the guys got arealjob.
First up on Ivan and Tayshias romantic date night: A game of the floor is lava!
Plus, a game of Twister costs about $17 bucks.
Also, I love thatThe Bacheloretteis now borrowingideas fromBachelor Pad.
This is like the capital of the world for Filipino people, outside of the Philippines, he says.
ABC
And so I havent really had a man my age thats also of mixed descent to relate to.
Look at the size of that sundae!!!!
Dammit, now I want ice cream.
ABC
Back at the holding pen, the guys are gathered for the reading of the next date card.
Seems a little greedy, Noah, sniffs Bennett.
Thank you for your input, Noah smirks in response.
Ivan and Tayshia are talking about their families right now.
Ivans dad is 73, Tayshias dad is not yet 50 (My dad could be your dads dad!
marvels Ivan), and they each have younger siblings.
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Eventually it caught up with him, says Ivan.
His little brother went to prison for four years, right after becoming a father.
To see my brother, like, having to put his hand up there to hers…
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It was just so tough.
Then, as now, Ivan works hard to be a second dad for his niece.
Oh my God, youre going to make me cry!
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says Tayshia, giving Ivan a hug.
Great, now were ALL crying!
After watching his brother go through so much, Ivan says he wont pass judgment on anybody.
Especially with George Floyd, and thats like police brutality, he says.
Thats something that really hit home for me.
you might only imagine how much wilder it could be in prison, right?
ABC
My brother used to tell me stories about how these COs, correctional officers, would beat him up.
To this day, Ivan feels guilty that his first question was always, What did you do?
But it doesnt matter.
They cant just be hurting people for no reason.
What’s that, rose lovers?
When Ivan asks Tayshia how the events of 2020 have affected her, she gets emotional.
Whats that, rose lovers?
Because I really havent been able to talk to someone that really understands me.
What a time to be alive.
Do I even need to tell you that Ivan gets the rose?
Up next: The group date!
The ladies announce the totally fun and not at all cheap date activity: Truth or Dare!
First up:
Riley, bless him, downs an entire mason jar full of Forbidden Love, a.k.a.
a refreshing blend of tomato, apple, banana, spinach, cow intestines, and water scorpion.
But Im gonna call foul here: This looks more like Demars upper thigh than his ass cheek.
I really, really dont want to watch this.
But duty calls, rose lovers.
Kennys awkward exclamations (e.g., Oh, T!
Blake goes next, and his cringe-worthy love noises are equally mortifying.
Blakes got some demons, dawg, notes Eazy.
He needs to go to church!
The final challenge is called That Burning Sensation, and its a simultaneous truthanddare.
The men must eat a habanero chili pepper and then profess their feelings for Tayshia… ideally without vomiting.
We are proposing, with a puke bucket next to us, explains Kenny.
One by one, the guys propose fake marriage to the Bachelorette.
(Bring it home!
cries Sydney, whos looking on with Becca and swooning.)
The Bachelorette LOVES Captain Harvards proposal.
Oh my Lord Jesus, yes!
she says, accepting the giant plastic ring.
The cocktail party will double as the truth portion of the truth or dare challenge.
Bennett launches right into his confession, explaining why he ended a previous engagement.
Its a little tough to talk about, he says.
I dont remember a time when my parents were solid…
Sometimes I think people get married and its for the wrong reasons.
I was close [to getting married], and I knew it wasnt right.
Meaning, I guess, that he might be able to love again?
Anyhow, the bougie duo seal their conversation with a kiss.
For Blake, Tayshia has this truth question: Whats one thing your ex would warn me about?
Of course hes all,Nothing!
My exes love me!Nope!
And the date rose goes to… Zac!
Am I the only one who was expecting another one-on-one date after this?
Ill admit, Im very confused about where we are in the journey, rose lovers.
Let me think this through: Last week, there was a rose ceremony and then a group date.
Which means after the truth or dare group date, its actually time for the rose ceremony.
Not so fast, rose lovers!
Im going to walk to her room, secret-mission style, in the cover of darkness, he explains.
Hopefully she likes it.
And wouldnt you know it?
Howdareyou be so cynical!
Everything about this journey to find love is completely organic, okay?
And anyway, look where Ed wound up.
You think producers intentionally gave Ed the wrong directions to get to set-up this platonic meet-cute with Harrison?
Howdareyou be so cynical!
Meanwhile, at El Presidente suite…
I really just wanted to apologize for making you disappointed in me at the last afterparty, says Ben.
I have to say, shes being a little harsh.
Cut him some slack!
Eventually, Tayshia forgives him, and the two share some strawberries and champagne,Pretty Woman-style.
Noahs a joke, he says.
Tayshia deserves someone whos here for the Right ReasonsTM, and hes just trying to stir the pot.
As promised, Ben grabs Tayshia first.
Riley and Brendan follow and then comes mustache-less Noah with his rose.
His mission: Throw the other guys under the proverbial bus.
Noah tells Tayshia that hes been getting some heat from his rivals for crashing the group date.
Plus, Its kind of been implied that you gave me the rose just to kinda shake things up.
And she does NOT love it.
Im not gonna give you a rose for show.
I wish she wouldnt take the bait, but I also understand why she does.
These people are in a bubble, folks!
Theyve got nothing else to think about except the journey to find love.
And if youre going to be questioning me, Ill gladly walk you outside, okay?
Ill see you guys at the rose ceremony.
With that, she storms out of the room.
Thats right, suckers the cocktail party isovah!
Hell hath no fury like a Bachelorette scorned!
After all, none of them literally not one has indicated anything of the sort.
You literally never said that to any of us sitting here!
Bennett, too, is beyond peeved.
There is zero percent chance that you end up with Tayshia, he informs Noah.
Everyone here knows it.
The Bachelorette is clearly still pissed when she arrives at the rose ceremony.
She glares silently at her potential husbands before handing out the boutonnieres.
the purest soul ever to appear onThe Bachelorette.
Dear TV Gods, yo letParadisehappen this summer and yo ensure Joe gets a prime spot.
(you might read my full Q&A with Joeright here.)
Welp, there are 12 guys left, rose lovers.
Who do you love?
Who do you hate?
And who thinks Joe should be the next Bachelor (after Matt James)?
Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorette airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. on ABC.
