An elephant sighting riles up the Fang tribe, but nothing can distract from G.C.
’s poor gameplay
Osten is pissed.
Hes heard the talk.
Credit: Monty Brinton/CBS
He knows the word on the street.
And he doesnt like it.
All this chatter about G.C.
being the lamestSurvivorcontestant ever well, Osten from thePearl Islandsseason doesnt want to hear it.
He called me up last night to explain.
I mean, seriously, what the fing hell?
Why is everyone ready to crown this clown the worst ever?
DaltonWell, Osten, I mean…he was pretty damn bad.
Much, much worse.
No way is this punk taking my title.
DI cant really argue with you, Osten.
You were horrible on many levels.
Yes, I was!
Now,thatswhat Im talking about!
My lameness far surpasses his.
DLook, I hear ya.
But there was just something special about G.C.
Something about the way he simply stopped competing in challenges.
Something about the way he accepted the role of leader, and then simply refused to lead.
Something about the way he argued about rice with every member of his own tribe.
And finally, theres just something about that goofy-ass nickname.
These arefacts, Osten.
You simply cant deny the facts.
OBut he didnt quit!
I quit, he didnt.
Riddle me that, Ross!
DBecause Probst has gotten a little gun-shy since he was accused of pushing Janu to quit in Palau.
OSee, you just said it yourself!
Im the pioneer when it comes to quitting.
Theyre all just swiping my hype!
DYou know what, Osten?
You are the lamest.
But look, I have a column to write.
Can I go now?
But he did convince me that he is, in fact, lamer than G.C.
Just not by much.
I talked with G.C.
I do remember thinking to myself,damn, this dude needs a Jolt cola or something.
The excitement and energy didnt seem to be there.
Im not exactly sure how the hell he made it through casting.
No one wanted to step up.
Truthfully, its hard to respect pretty much anything about G.C.
A few weeks back I compared G.C.
to that crappy Eddie Murphy movieGolden Childand said that at that point G.C.
was actually playing worse than that movie and was performing more at aPluto NashorNorbitlevel.
Im now taking him down another notch!Are you crazy, Dalton?
Theres no level below Pluto Nash!
Thats as far down as you’re able to go!Au contraire, mon frere.
Dare I say it, but G.C.
in this game, but it was simply impossible to do so on either count.
All right, not everything in this latest episode revolved around G.C.
Meanwhile, the members of Kota were busy repeatedly touching a fish that sent electric shocks through their hands.
But I dont blame the Kota crowd.
Fact is, it gets pretty boring out there anything for a jolt.
Too bad that fish was the most shocking thing weve seen so far this season….Get it?
Okay, never mind.
I have to say, seeing elephants out there in the wild is a pretty intense experience.
In a truly shocking development, G.C.
told them to leave the elephant alone because he was scared the beast would charge.
I dont blame him.
Sometimes, that person turns out to be okay.
Other times, they turn out to be Danielle fromPanama, who was snooze city.
None of us were really high on Matty.
Plus, his answers to our questions simply werent very interesting.
Then again the questions probably werent very interesting either.
Anyway, Probst has insisted that Matty would prove to be a fan favorite this season.
The challenge started with again, shocker!
sucking by repeatedly throwing the fruit right into Bobs stick.
Meanwhile, Randy was making like Terrell Owens, dropping down to the ground to make a catch.
(Actually, maybe Im being too kind T.O.
definitely would have dropped it.
Suck it, Cowboy fans!!!)
But the highlight of the event was clearly Ace getting popped in the face with a watermelon.
Contrary to a lot of you posters, I actually really, really like Ace.
But he backs it up with his performance and is a totally engaging character.
I love watching Ace on the show and I love the way his head is constantly in the game.
Plus, he makes fantastic goofy-ass faces at tribal council always a good thing.
Speaking of Sugar, Kota sent her to Exile (non) Island yet again.
It was a decision thatNick Lacheydescribed as No strategy purely comedy.
So, off Sugar went to Exile to munch on pineapple.
Its supposed to be a miserable place!
In past seasons, sure, you would maybe find the idol, but youd suffer in the process.
And if you already had the idol, then you were just gonna suffer.
These people are playing for a million dollars, dammit dont make life so ridiculously easy for them!
Over at Fang, Crystal and G.C.
(him,again?)
were arguing over you guessed it rice.
What happened to good ol fashionedSurvivordisagreements over who backstabbed whom and whos not doing enough work around camp?
Freakin Fang even theirargumentsare lame.
Im gonna start printing Free Ace!
T-shirts if this keeps up, because I am seriously sympathizing with that guy right now.
Upset over ricegate and, well, everything else that had happened over the past two weeks, G.C.
informed us that this game is changing me, and its not for the better.
Jesus, I hope not!
Because if this is for the better, then I hate to see what pre-Gabon G.C.
Dude, Ive already downgraded you to Party All the Time level.
Theres not much further down I can go.
took his personal pity party out on the water.
One problem: It was time for the immunity challenge.
(Actually, maybe thats not so much of a problem, considering the way hes been performing.)
Kelly informed him that they were about to leave without him, to which G.C.
and folks, it doesnt get any more G.C.
You have to talk.
Sugar: Nothings happening.
Ace: No, not right this second, I can hear that.
Not quite as great as I hit my head back there.
Of course, Dan allowed Fang to creep their way back into it bystopping his own ball.
(How Dan is that?)
Then Aces face was the recipient of another blow.
But this one kinda scared me.
Getting stabbed near the eye (as opposed to hit with a watermelon) is frightening stuff.
Maybe Im getting soft.
Hes performing in challenges, playing strategically, and giving choice sound bites.
What more can you ask for from the man?
Except, maybe, for him to get rid of that awful tropical vomit shirt.
So the question at Fang became, who to get rid of quitter boy G.C.
or hidden-immunity-idol holder Sugar?
I actually really dont like this second rule.
I think contestants should not be allowed to look in each others stuff.
NEXT: Kota talks strategy in a deleted scene
At tribal council, G.C.
You know who else has some thoughtsJeff Probst!
See what he has to say about G.C.
Looking for a little bonus strategy session that you didnt see on TV?
Who they discuss may surprise you.
Check it out below.
And then be sure to get your post on.
Will Fang ever win again?IsG.C.
And what fruit would you want to be whacked in the face with?
The store is open for business, people.
[Sorry, video not available]
