I could write about this episodefor days.
Its exactly what this mostly dull season full of mostly unengaging contestants needed.
I have been calling the shots from day 1 out here.
Credit: Monty Brinton
I am the mastermind behind everything going on.
Jeez, Kenny, why do you continually insist on sabotaging your own likeability?
It makes us want to smash the King of Smash with out fists.
But if Kenny was being annoying, Bob was being just plain dumb.
First he admitted to Ken that Corinne didnt play the idol because it was a fake.
(Why, Bob, why?
No reason to tell him that.
Just say she thought she was safe.)
Bob is the most schizophrenic strategist I have ever seen in my life.
It came down to the wire for the three men: Matty, Kenny, and Bob.
The women Crystal, Sugar, and Susie predictably did not even make a single basket.
I say predictably not because they are women but rather because they are Crystal, Sugar, and Susie.
You know what Im talking about, dont you?
Now when I say Dunk I am not referring to a dunk tank.
Nor am I using shorthand for sassy season 1American Idolco-host Brian Dunkleman.
Nor am I talking about an actual dunk, because in reality it was a botched dunk.
It wouldnt even have really qualified as a dunk, but more of a drop in.
Just walk up, raise your arm, and then drop the ball into the net.
Or so it would seem.
The thing that makes this entire incident even more hilarious?
The fact that Crystal told the other contestants she was a professional basketball player!
(At least she informed me before the game thats what she was going to tell everyone.)
I mean, how ridiculous is that?
Who cant shotgun a can of beer in under 5 seconds?
It is her destiny.
Sorry, couldnt resist.
As long as Crystal doesnt have any more embarrassing challenge performances we should be okay.
And Im sure thatwonthappen.
(Do something, woman!
(Oh, poor delusional Sugar).
Thats pretty much it.
Matty being there or not there doesnt change that.
But as weve seen time and time again, it doesnt take a whole lot to sway Sugar.
I believe you now.
Why would they kick you when youre down?
she asked her new sick puppy.
Yeah, Bob won, so what?
More importantly, just who do you think provided the entertainment for this competition?
Oh, Mrs. Cox, were ready for your close-up!
Although, I do have a bone to pick with my boy, Probst.
Crystal, you are off the course.
You are in the wrong lane.
You are completely off track, he told her as she was strolling off to nowhere.
But you know what would have been even funnier?
Dont say anything at all!
Just let her keep going!
And keep following her with a camera!
Hell, it may have even topped the dunk.
But then he did it again!
He started warning Susie that she was on a road to nowhere once she also overshot the course.
Good God, man, youve got gold here!
And youre just throwing it away!
Such a missed opportunity.
(Man, would that make me nervous coming from her).
But I thought that was the extent of her plan.
Good, but not great.
It didnt matter; Crystal would have gone home anyway.But man did that make a statement.
And that statement was: You are done.
And while youre there, be sure to ask Randy whats up with his crazy looking Mohawk.
Who does he think he is anyway, Lex fromAll-Stars?
Better late than never!
Yes, Kenny is annoyingly overconfident, but he has still played well.
Matty and Bob have been great in challenges, and Sugar really showed me something tonight.
Only Susie appears to still be completely useless.
Right after the rankings, youll see a link to Jeff Probsts latest blog entry.
Im sure he has some interesting thoughts on what went down.
And youll also be able to check out an exclusive deleted scene from last nights episode.
Just a little preview of whats to come.
Okay, on to the rankings:
1.Survivor: Borneo
The first will never be topped.
Because it was the first.
2.Survivor: Micronesia Fans Vs. 3.Survivor: Amazon
Probably the most unpredictable season ever.
Chocolate + Peanut Butter = Hot Naked Chicks.
4.Survivor: Pearl Islands
Rupert stealing shoes.
Fairplay getting drunk at tribal council.
Osten sucking at everything.
It was all delicious.
Loses points, though, for the awful outcasts twist, which also led to a disappointing final two.
5.Survivor: Palau
I loved watching one tribe decimate the other.
And the challenges may have beenSurvivors best ever.
Remember back when everyone liked Stephenie?
My how things change.
Purple rock!!!
7.Survivor: Cook Islands
What a difference a mutiny makes.
It was listless until that fateful moment when Candice and Penner stepped off the mat.
Then, we finally had underdogs to root for.
8.Survivor: Australia
An overrated season.
Pretty predictable boot order as well.
Dude did burn his hands off, though.
9.Survivor: China
Really good cast.
12.Survivor: Gabon
It would have been two or three slots lower before this last episode.
Still, its a case of too little, too late.
The fact that so many unworthy players went so far is simply too damning.
13.Survivor: Africa
Some great challenges.
Not that much else was great.
14.Survivor: Guatemala
One of the more unlikable casts so far.
Stephenies evil twin?)
Rafe was good for a few laughs, though.
Especially on rope obstacles.
15.Survivor: Vanuatu
I dont blame producers: The battle of the sexes worked well the first time around.
17.Survivor: Fiji
The season that we shall never speak of again.
Okay, Im sure you have beefs with the list above.
So let me and everyone else know your ranking.
And who are you rooting for to win the million dollars on Sunday yes, Sunday night?
Hit the boards and state your position.
But only after you check out the latest blog entry from our intrepid youngEW.com correspondent Jeff Probst.
And double-check to watch the exclusive deleted scene from last nights episode below.
It seems there have been some visitors to the Nobag camp.
And theyre not human!
See what Matty is doing about it.
Then, and only then, may you deem yourself postworthy.
[Sorry, video not available]
