THAT EPISODE WAS SO BONKERS THAT MAYBE IT WAS GREAT?
Let’s get into it.
(Warning: I’m starting with the more boring stuff to get it out of the way.)
Credit: Colin Bentley/The CW
Translation: They need that community center now!
They have to keep the kids out of the arcades at all costs!!!
A car wash where all the teenage boys take off their shirts and show off their abs!
If you consider $400 a success … which they don’t.
As Veronica puts it, “I think I overestimated the financial pull of your pectorals.”
During their chat, Mary lets it slip that he has a college fund.
To that, Archie says, “I have money?”
Um, you have a college fund.
There’s a difference.
Then again, this kid isn’t going to college, let’s be real.
Again, never going to college.
This guy belongs in Riverdale.
But as Monroe later informs Archie, they can’t use the money he stole because it’s dirty.
They have to clean it first.
She advises Archie to burn it.
Aren’t moms the best?!
Well played,Riverdalewriters.
But before we get to the Bret of it all, let’s talk about Moose!
Because he’s back!
And he’s Jughead’s roomie!
And he … goes by Marmaduke now?!
Perhaps the biggest shocker of this episode?
Moose getting someone to sleep with him with a name like Marmaduke!!!
In class, Jughead clashes with Bret.
They criticize each other’s writing, and in the end, they both suck!
Is this consider a diss in a preppy school?
and the fact that his dad impersonated the Gargoyle King.
So much for getting laid, buddy!
but Cheryl fires him when he goes into the basement.
And just as Cheryl’s sewing it up with red thread naturally Toni walks in.
Cheryl then calmly asks her girlfriend, “You’ve never met Jason, have you?”
Can you imagine what’s going through Toni’s mind right now?!
As he tells her, he wasn’t born Hiram Lodge, he became him.
Oh and Hiram’s back in prison.
Let’s talk about some of the craziest stuffRiverdalehas EVER done!!!
And honestly, that’s the most I’ve ever liked Charles.
But when Edgar calls Betty from her mom’s phone and makes some demands, things really get going.
When he was okay, he put thought into his wardrobe and wore vests.
Now, he won’t even button up a shirt let alone a vest!
Look out, this man is unhinged!!!
She then proceeds to put the call on speakerphone and NOT mute it.
Instead, whenever Charles speaks, she simply holds the phone behind her back?!
Edgar can definitely hear him!!
These FBI agents suck.
AND HERE’S WHERE WE NEED TO TALK.
I’m sorry, WHAT?!
Literally, anyone else in this room would be more qualified!!!
Then, to make things better/worse, Betty instantly deduces which wire needs to be cut.
Of course, she’s wrong, and the timer starts ticking down even faster.
Betty then proceeds to …. disarm a bomb … with a bobby pin.
So I guess she’s MacGyver now and WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Maybe they heard about her bomb move and decided to give her whatever she wanted?
Betty then pulls up to Edgar’s motel where Evelyn promptly knocks her out.
She wakes up in a room next to her mom.
No, he didn’t buy a rocket.
As for Alice and Betty, they’ll be tied to the front of the bus as shields.
So when Edgar loses his mind he REALLY loses it.
And here’s where I have another issue: The Farmies just obey Betty and Alice?!
These people worship Edgar.
It’s why they’re in this cult.
They also know that he dislikes Alice and Betty.
They wouldn’t just follow them onto a bus!!!
Alice takes the gun from Betty and goes after Edgar.
Does this thing even have a roof?!
The aerodynamics of this are all wrong.
But when he pulls a gun on Alice, she shoots him dead.
As she tells Betty when she asks what happened, “Edgar ascended.”
So if they watch it they’ll die in 7 days?!
We’ll find out next week!
I truly don’t know if what I just watched was off-the-rails terrible or great.
