This episode ofRiverdalemight go down as my favorite since the show’s return.
How else would Cheryl know all their stories?!
Wait, is Cheryl… God?
Madelaine Petsch as Cheryl in ‘Riverdale’.The CW
Sorry, I’m getting off track.
First up: a shirtless Archie, who’s now a miner?
We find Archie working through his PTSD with a psychiatrist who prescribes him some anti-anxiety meds.
But when Cheryl comes knocking at his door, things get interesting.
Apparently Frank has had a little mining experience in his life, because why not, so they agree.
And it doesn’t take Kevin long to get his hands on some palladium.
I hate to say it, but crazy paranoid Archie is potentially the most interesting version of Archie.
But he isn’t the only one dealing with delirium.
Once the entire crew starts going insane, they realize they’re all suffering from carbon monoxide poisoning.
We leave Archie surrounded by the ghosts of all the men he lost in the army.
Next up: Betty, the fake FBI agent.
Spoiler, it doesn’t work!
Honestly, no wonder Betty’s not with the FBI anymore, she’s TERRIBLE at this.
She acts like scaring him is some great idea nobody’s ever thought of before?!
It’s like watching someone learn torture 101 right before our very eyes.
By the time she returns, he’s already dead.
The psychopath bit his own tongue off and choked on it.
That brings us to the painting of Jughead, the Rat King.
And how he did mushrooms for the first time to help him with writer’s block.
We even get the backstory of the drunk voicemail he left Betty when she bailed on his release party.
It was after he left that voicemail that he disappeared for three days.
When he woke up, he was in the hospital.
After leaving Betty that voicemail, he drunkenly fell through a sinkhole and woke up covered in rats.
Cops found him and took him to the hospital, where he was treated for rabies.
(Doesn’t the life of a writer sound glamorous, kids?)
