Riverdaleis back with its forbidden romances, murderous villains, and of course, its tickling ring.
Let’s break down this week’s episode by story, shall we?
It doesn’t take long for Maple Claw to step on some toes.
Jack Rowand/The CW
Naturally, Veronica assumes Hiram is behind this, so she tells them to go away.
(Can you imagine if this really happened among alcohol distributors?
Picture this: Malibu Rum and Natty Light go head to head for state schools!)
Okay, no one talks like that and definitely not when they’re probably bleeding internally.
In the end, Veronica tells her father she’s proud of him.
After all, Hiram’s gonna Hiram.
Everything about that sentence is incorrect, by the way.
After one video featuring Reggie’s “nice and deep” laugh have I mentioned I hate this?
Reggie decides they no longer need Terry as their distributor.
If they cut Terry out, they can make even more money!
And for some reason, Kevin and Fangs decide to go with Reggie on this one?
No one has ever complimented Reggie for his smarts, people!!
To pair up Bulldogs and Vixens and have the Vixen do the tickling.
But Reggie still doesn’t back down.
Because apparently Mr. Honey thinks the videos tarnish the reputation of the school.
You know, the school where someone was MURDERED during a school play.
Wouldn’t want to tarnish that rep!!
And all signs are pointing to Ethel.
It’s the sanest thing anyone’s said on this show in a long time.
And at her house, he finds Bughead’s sex tape!
It’s called PONYTAIL PLAYMATE!!!
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
So, of course, that gets them shut down, a fact that bums out … Mr. Honey!
(Why they’re not trying to find the person making the masks is beyond me.)
When Archie Met Betty
After their kiss, Betty and Archie are both all in their feels.
(Cheryl made Archie kiss her because they’re both redheads.)
Meeting in the bunker, the two of them discuss how completely confused they are.
But isn’t this nice, too?
They don’t come to any decision, but they do hold hands for a bit.
Eventually, they agree that they can’t stop thinking about each other so they need to meet again.
She thinks Betty is only in love with the idea of Archie, the idea of the perfect romance.
And now, she thinks they should stop before they even start.
(Cheryl then tells Veronica she wants out of their business, and V obliges.)
At the bunker, Archie starts to play the song he wrote for Betty, but she stops him.
(Because if we are, what was the point?)
