Im telling you, its likeSophies Choice, only without the Holocaust and Meryl Streep.
OK, so its nothing likeSophies Choice.
Regardless, whats a reporter to do?
Credit: Frank Micelotta
Call on your old high-school boyfriend/sometime editor, Ari thats what!
20 years ago at East Brunswick High School.
If only I had a photo of us back then handy.
Looking good,EBHS!)
I like to help a Shirl out, but I had some very serious concerns.
Mainly, that I havent watched the show all season.
So youre throwing me to the dogs?
I asked, aghast.
Not only am I anIdolVirgin, I said, nervously.
Im a Blogging Virgin!
Its Bee Gees night!
I loves me someSaturday Night Fever.
I took this as a sign, and I said, Ill do it!
Sing or rather,strut along with me.
), I notice Masi Oka, fromHeroes,and think, Man this is gonna be star-studded!
Then I see Hank Azaria,voice of Chief Wiggum and other sundry Springfield citizens.
Wait, was that Stanford fromSex and the City?
Yup,Willie Garson himself, in the flesh.
And then I realize: this is themost motley assortment of celebrities.
Who could be next?Judge Judy, of course!
Shame on you, Judge Judy.
Turns out, theyre not very good at this.
No matter,though.
And Cara is wearing some camera-noticing green.Good move, Car!
Speaking of nice, theres some guy, Bill, warming upthe audience.
All of a sudden, theres a flurry of activity as we careen towardthe opening moments.
No ones actuallysaying this, but in my head, its very loud.
Oh, okay, we have a fewminutes time for the judges grand entrance!
First up, Randy, whogets introduced by Bill three times before he appears.
Somegray-haired, white dude manages to wander through the door the firsttwo times Randys name is called.
Even I know hes not Randy.
Randy needs space to high-five his dawgs!
Next up, Paula, who follows Randys path, delivering somewell-placed kisses.
And finally, Simon, who takes a shortcut past allthose pesky fans.
But maybe thats because it really is… showtime!
Three girls and a guy, a voice announces, clearlyperturbed.
Three girls and a guy, she repeats.
Its Debbie the stagemanager, and she doesnt sound all nice, like Bill.
In fact, shesdownright curt, calling them kids and snapping at Blake: Blake, goon the end.
Blake, go on the end.
Blake, go on theend.
Cant you hear?!
Blake finally moves to the end.
I thought I was supposedto just sit here and look good on TV.
Then they tell us that eachcontestant will sing two songs tonight great news!
none of thattime-wasting that I hated onIdolwhen I watched so many seasons ago.This will fly by.
No annoying commercials to watch or even fast-forwardthrough.
Next up: Blake.
But tonight its all Barry Gibb.
Im tired just listening tohim.
This must be what it was like to see Bobby McFerrin live early inhis career.
Give it a rest,girls.
kindly remember: Im anIdolVirgin, and Im old.
And heres LaKisha, singing my song!
Shes slowed it down, so itsnot such an anthem, but Im grooving to it.
Still, shes not doing whatBarry Gibb just told her to do: hit the high notes!
Shes singingabout the easy way, and I think LaKisha might be taking the easy wayout on this one.
Her syncopations great, but Im not wowed.
I wonder what theyre discussing.
Its time for the fourth singer!
And she delivers, mostly.
Jordin is great,despite the name misspelling, and so far shes my favorite.
Elegant,but still young and real, with a powerful voice and a great smile.
Its very nurturing, really.
Theres no more music education inschools, Bill declares nobly and repeatedly.
Oh, wait, did I just get name-checked?Whoa!
I stay in my seat and I think nicethoughts about Bill.
Hes doing so much for music education, giving thekidsIdolkaraoke sets.
No more time for such deep thoughts.
On to more important matters,like this contest.
Melinda sings a song that Al Green made famous, How Can You Mend aBroken Heart.
I came to love this song and Al Green because of anotherFox show,Ally McBeal.
Its worth watching all over again!
Its Blakes second turn at bat, and hes doing some Bee Gees songIve never heard.
Oh, thats why!
Man, he isbeing overpowered by the music, hes… what is he doing?
Ryanpicked it up for him.
Too bad, really.
But thatswhat Simons for.
But when it revs up, its all her.
Ooh,was that a crack?
Mmm, good, but not greatest recording artist good.
And just as quickly as I got myself into all this, its over!
For my money, its a race to the end between Jordin and Melinda.
Arethey too similar, though?
With his creative beatboxing, wouldnt Blakebe a more interesting contender?
Judging by tonight, its all Jordinand Melinda.
But dont worry Blake,be happy.
