Well, after countlessannouncementsand a ton of mind-blowingly awesomerehearsals, its finally time for the 51st annual Grammy Awards.
In the meantime, lets get to talking: Whats everyone out there most looking forward to tonight?
LEAH: Rumors are that Justin Timberlake may step in to replace Brown in his performance slot.
LEAH: Were sad to hear about the whole situation, but the show must go on.
LEAH: Lots of stars so far.
Coldplay look like a pack of Mentos.
LEAH: Or maybe JuJuBees.
SIMON: Is Ryan Seacrest hitting on Paris Hilton?
SIMON: And Paris thinks Coldplay are legends.
Bet Chris Martin is feeling very proud right now.
LEAH: She looks like a slutty grape.
SIMON: Im picking up on a definite finger food theme in your observations tonight, Leah.
LEAH: You know who looks great, though?
Adele, very sleek supposedly personally styled byVogueeditor-in-chief Anna Wintour for tonight.
She already picked up the Best Pop Female Vocal Performance.
LEAH: Also winners already?
John Mayer for Best Male Pop Vocal, and Duffy, for Female Pop Vocal Album, I believe.
SIMON: Apparently will.i.am and the mayor of L.A. are buddies?
LEAH: Will.i.am always wears these odd little yodeling hats.
Hes like an urban sheep herder.
SIMON: Im digging his baby-blue coat / golden bowtie / chocolate shirt combo.
SIMON: Whoa, M.I.A.
- really is due today!
Will she have her baby onstage?
She says shes got transportation organized if the water breaks.
SIMON: And a red carpet interviewer just suggested she could name her kid Grammy.
Maya did not seem very amused.
LEAH: She looks cute, though!
LEAH: Kings of Leon look like they all just got theGQmakeover… What happened to the hair-farming?
LEAH: Jennifer Hudson sort of looks like shes wearing a very pretty paper napkin on her chest.
But where is Lil Wayne??
SIMON: Yeah, Seacrest seems sad that Wayne hasnt stopped by to chat yet.
Maybe hes just not that into you, dude.
LEAH: I dont know, Seacrest already asked John Mayer out for margaritas a minute ago.
His dance cards full!
WHITNEY [from the Grammys] Rihannas definitely not performing, unclear about Chris Brown.
LEAH: Good to know.
Now Ryans buttering up Quincy Jones… then again, hes one man who actually deserves it.
SIMON: Seacrests glib little summary of the developing Rihanna/Chris Brown story is kind of gross.
Could he at least attempt to be serious for a sec here?
LEAH: Katy Perry, pretty in Pepto.
Paula Abdul looks like an ambassador from the planet Banana.
My mother just IMd me: WHAT IS THAT ON PAULA ABDULS HEAD??
SIMON: Sadly, I could not answer her question.
LEAH: I love that your mom IMs.
LEAH: And yeah, if Paula was smart she would have called Arethas people.
LEAH: If you like it then you should have put a bow on it!
SIMON: So true.
SIMON: Okay, time to switch over to CBS for the real deal!
SIMON: CBS pre-recorded intro still says Rihanna and Chris Brown are performing.
SIMON: Okay, first up: U2!
LEAH: Bono: doing the dignified Irishmans version of the David Lee Roth split-kick.
1 in Canadian Rock National Airplay.
Its hovering around No.
37 on theBillboardHot 100.
SIMON: So you know Nickelback is loving this choice of opening number.
(Sorry, Canadians!
The jokes are just too easy.)
LEAH: Get on your boots, eh?
SIMON: Thoughts on the guyliner under Bonos shades?
SIMON: Whoa, Whitney Houston is the first presenter.
LEAH: Ooh, Simon!
Youre hi-def is better than mine.
Whitney Houston looks…diva-licious.
SIMON: And shes getting a standing ovation.
LEAH: Thanks Bono.
I knew I shoulda worn my boots.
SIMON: Best R&B Album!
I am rooting for Al Green here.
SIMON: …and Whitneys putting off announcing the winner to thank Clive Davis.
LEAH: She looks amazing, but a little slurry.
LEAH: Jennifer Hudson takes it!
SIMON: And she gets another standing O. LEAH: Oh boy, how could she not cry?
Though odd that shes still carrying her purse in one hand.
LEAH: The Rock!
Because when I think music, I think wrestler-turned-actor with spectacularly groomed eyebrows.
SIMON: Lesson of the evening: The Rock likes funny acronyms.
LEAH: And tweezers.
SIMON: Also, The Rock likes Katy Perry songs.
So many new facts to learn!
SIMON: ALSO: The Rock likes borderline-creepy sexual harassment jokes.
LEAH: His teeth are like snow-white Chiclets.
SIMON: Okay, I think Ive had about enough of the Rocks borscht-belt stand-up act.
Sorry dude, but could we get some actual music soon?
LEAH: Justin Timberlake, the man in black!
LEAH: Hes like a handsome, floating head with that dark stage background.
SIMON: Those silver things in his ears make him look like aStar Trekextra.
LEAH: Introducing fellow Tennessean Al Green…
SIMON: …and Keith Urban and Boyz II Men!
WHITNEY: Wow, Al Green is a pro.
And I wonder how fast they had to write Timberlakes teleprompter copy?
SIMON: Als still got it.
LEAH: Lets Stay Together… what a smoothie.
LEAH: Justin looks like a giddy fanboy!
SIMON: This is pretty great for something that seems to have been thrown together at the last minute.
And it feels organic, like all the people on stage genuinely like and respect each other.
SIMON: Wow, Al Green can really hit those high notes after all these years.
LEAH: HES THE REVEREND, SIMES!
SIMON: And tonight, I am saying Amen.
LEAH: Can I get a few million witnesses?
SIMON: So, will any performances tonight top that one?
My moneys on Radiohead, of course, but the race is on.
LEAH: Oh, you.
Thom Yorke is your spirit animal isnt he?
SIMON: He totally is.
You know me too well.
LEAH: More actors: Simon Baker from that psychic-detective show, introducing Coldplay.
LEAH: Cue feelings!
SIMON: Theyre doing Lost!
SIMON: AND THEY ARE!!
LEAH: Flow: unstoppable.
LEAH: Oh shizz, its a medley!
LEAH: Count your blessings, young man!
The sound is sort of bad though.
SIMON: It is.
Ive grown to really like this song, though.
Almost as much as Joe Satriani does.
WHITNEY: I love Lost!, but only when theres drumming.
What does that mean?
And does Jay-Z count as drumming?
LEAH: Who knew Chris Martin was so bendy?
SIMON: And who knew Carrie Underwood was such a rocker?
LEAH: Carrie Underwood, four-time Grammy winner, including one already tonight.
Shes doing Last Name, one of the rockiest cuts shes ever done.
LEAH: Its not Jesus at the wheel on this one!
LEAH: Incidentally, were 31 minutes in, and the Grammy count is: One.
SIMON: This things going all night!
SIMON: Time to brew another pot of coffee for us live-bloggers.
SIMON: Best Country Duo/Group Performance with Vocals.
I wonder what Whitney thinks of this category…cause honestly, I have literally no opinion on it.
(Sorry, country fans!)
LEAH: Its a win for Sugarland!
Isnt that song from 2007?
Sugarland seemed like cool folks in Whitneys rehearsal video, so Im happy for em.
Released as a single in September of 2007, from their 2006 album.
These guys are adorable, but thats kind of bunk.
SIMON: Ah, Grammy eligibility rules the only thing more arcane than Oscar eligibility rules?
WHITNEY: WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(This is my reaction to Sugarland winning.
It is very articulate.)
WHITNEY: Also, Keith Urban is replacing Chris Browns performance, according to scuttlebutt in the press room.
LEAH: Al Green totally doing Moon River a cappella!
Duetting with Duffy on Bridge Over Troubled Water!
SIMON: And Song of the Year goes to…
SIMON: Coldplay!
Or Joe Satrianis lawyers.
LEAH: They seriously look like Sgt.
Peppers Fruit of the Loom.
SIMON: The Coldplay dudes seem really sincerely grateful.
Gotta love those guys.
LEAH: And way to give a bandmember who is not Chris Martin the mic!
Its times like these that I wish DVRs came with fast-forward options for live broadcasts.
LEAH: The Kid is doing his social-consciousness anthem, Amen.
LEAH: Usually, hes more about the WO-men.
SIMON: What a deep thinker he is!
SIMON: Hey, hes doing that song that samples Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama.
I like those songs!
This one…I do not.
I cant drink that crap!
SIMON: On my screen right now: Chris Browns Doublemint ad.
That is unfortunate timing.
SIMON: Here comes Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus duet.
An historic moment!!!
SIMON: (In my head, I heard The Soups ITS MILEY!
scream when the announcer said her name.)
SIMON: You know who must be really loving this performance, is the Jonas Brothers.
Cmon, camera crew, show us their blank expressions!
Though this is one of Taylors best songs, Fifteen.
LEAH: All abouthey!soul-less, cruel teenage boys.
SIMON: Aww, Miley called Taylor my best friend.
LEAH: Its very VH1 Storytellers meetsTiger Beat.
LEAH: Best Pop Collaboration with Vocals goes to…
SIMON: Robert Plant and Alison Krauss!
LEAH: Sooooo Grammy bait, those two.
SIMON: Awesome song, but, uh, way to keep the awards relevant, Recording Academy!
LEAH: Look at all those luxurious blond locks!
SIMON: Question: Does Robert Plant know who he just hugged?
LEAH: White t-shirt and black leather jacketRobert Plant is grease lightning.
While they were in commercial, Miley said, Taylor?
Everything that weve ever stood for and that we wanted to do, were proving to them right now.
WHITNEY: Also, during rehearsals?
The band was on the platform with the girls.
Wonder who pulled strings to boot them off?
LEAH: Jennifer Hudson is sexy senorita in black sequins… the pretty paper napkin is gone.
SIMON: Anyone else tearing up a little at Jennifer Hudsons You Pulled Me Through?
And she isfeelingthis one.
LEAH: Good lord thats a large choir.
WHITNEY: Mary J Blige, you just got served.
LEAH: Sean Combs guest-starring onCSI: Miami?
Will he solve the crime that is Aubrey ODay?
SIMON: Ooh, Danity Kane BURN.
SIMON: Whoa, is that true?
LEAH: I can explain some of these actors… Its CBS touting their shows.
SIMON: Yeah, and so subtly!
LEAH: Stevie + JoBros = total cognitive dissonance!
JASON [live-blog editor] This is pretty Frampton-tastic.
SIMON: So HES that Bonus Jonas everyones always talking about!
LEAH: I love you, Simes.
LEAH: But seriously, in Stevies hands this song actually has FIRE.
SIMON: And hes rocking a vocoder!
T-Pain, take notes.
LEAH: V05 Hot Oil, take note of Joes hair.
LEAH: From Burnin Up to Superstition, damn!
LEAH: This song is from 1972.
The youngest Jonas was born in 1992.
LEAH: Blink-182, random!
SIMON: Whoa, theyre actually playing music together again?
Or just talking about it?
He is SUCH a Blink-182 fan.
SIMON: They are!
SIMON: Craig Ferguson claims he used to be a drummer in a punk band.
I do not believe this.
SIMON: He also claims he has a sex tape, which I wish I did not believe.
LEAH: Craig Ferguson dont lie!
Nor do Katy Perrys hips!
LEAH: Though the singing is sadly shout-y.
And it sort of looks like the IceCapades.
SIMON: Is she even singing anymore, or are those just yowls of pain?
LEAH: Kanye sequins!
Hes doing his awesome verse from Estelles American Boy!
SIMON: And theres Estelle.
Attention, Katy Perry: This is what a singer who can actually sing sounds like.
LEAH: No 808s and Heartbreak here.
LEAH: Itotally called this one.
And she is a Grammy winner.
They said McCartney, but then Kristian Bush admitted the guy probably thinks theyre crazy as loons.
LEAH: Do the actual awards and their attendant speeches seem oddly rushed to anyone else?
Its like theyre pesky little side salads next to the real entree: performances.
LEAH: Yarrrr, its Kenny Chesney!
LEAH: He looks like Feivel in a ten-gallon hat.
LEAH: This is a pretty ballad, though.
Better as a Memory.
Renee Zellweger is all, what-what!
LEAH: Herbie Hancock, Natalie Cole and Diddy announce Record of the Year.
SIMON: I think M.I.A.
might have just gone into labor when they said her name.
SIMON: And the winner is Robert Plant and Alison Krauss!
LEAH: Sorry, I call MAJOR BS.
This song is ten years old!
From a 98 Page and Plant album!
SIMON: It is a good song though!
But yeah, not the hippest or most cutting-edge choice.
SIMON: Diddy is scowling.
I think he was rooting for Coldplay.
LEAH: Nah, hes just mad at Kanyes hair.
LEAH: Oh, you lightning fingers, you!
Just beat me to it.
SIMON: No offense, but Dean Martin passed away 14 years ago!
Why is he getting a lifetime achievement award now, exactly?
SIMON: Here come Jay-Z, Kanye, Lil Wayne, T.I., and M.I.A.
to do Swagger Like Us.
Thats more like it.
LEAH: Latifah dubs Jay-Z, T.I., M.I.A.
and co. the Rap Pack.
SIMON: And the broadcast is in black-and-white, just like for the old Rat Pack.
SIMON: Lil Wayne wears those formal threads pretty well!
LEAH: Love how theyre all in tuxes and M.I.A.
is wearing Minnie Mouses bathing costume.
LEAH: First Lil Wayne spotting of the night!
SIMON: That was pretty amazing.
Chris Martin was loving it!
SIMON: Ooh, here comes Paul McCartney!
LEAH: Kate Beckinsale is a cute Beatle-bot!
LEAH: Hes talking about Miley, yo.
LEAH: How happy is Dave Grohl up there??
SIMON: Paul McCartney might be the coolest old dude in the Staples Center tonight.
(No offense, Robert Plant.)
SIMON: Aw, come on, who complains about hearing a Beatles song!
That is, like, the definition of musical Grinchdom.
LEAH: In fact, he does!
A pretty great new album from last fall.
But that is clearly not what the Grammys want to hear tonight.
LEAH: Say, John Mayer.
Which I swear he slipped up and confessed to having already won on the red carpet.
Popwatchers, back me up?
SIMON: True fact: LL Cool J is older than Paul McCartney.
LEAH: And balder!
SIMON: (Warning: The preceding True Fact is not, in fact, true.)
LEAH: Uh-oh, Mama said knock us out.
LEAH: Sugarland and Adele, an odd-pairing, but a vocally impressive one.
LEAH: Torch ballad from mistresss perspective, country is so good at wronged women!
LEAH: Glad Adele removed her chewing gum for this number.
She seems nervous, but man, what a VOICE.
SIMON: And Adele reminds us why she took home that Best New Artist trophy.
LEAH: She also beats Winehouse hands-down at interpreting her songs live, dont you think?
LEAH: Though honestly, that was a pretty tenuous connection, putting those two acts together.
But I guess the name of this Grammy game is: COLLABORATE!
SIMON: Shell never have Winehouses cant-look-away charisma, but yeah, Adele is a pretty great performer.
WHITNEY: Adele health report: she had her shoes off on the carpet because she found them excruciating.
Also, she ripped off one of her thumbnails on Friday.
Finally, I believe she stole that brooch from my grandmother.
WHITNEY: Natalie Cole is in the press room, talking about needing a kidney transplant.
If you havent registered as an organ donor, yo do so now.
LEAH: Gwyneth introduces her own husbands heroes, Radiohead!
SIMON: Gwyneth Paltrow is quoting Radiohead lyrics!
SIMON: OMG!!
SIMON: Get a load of Thom Yorkes haircut!
LEAH: Gwyneth as groupie, kind of adorbs actually.
LEAH: Thom Yorke, have you been taking hair tips from JoBros?
LEAH: Also, is that the USC Marching Band?
SIMON: Yes it is!
LEAH: Simon, do you need CPR?
DO NOT GO INTO THE LIGHT!
LEAH: He is SO doing Jagger moves up there.
SIMON: And the whole USC marching band is wearing the t-shirts from Radioheads last tour.
(I have one of those!)
LEAH: I have to say, what could have been gimmicky is actually great.
Im loving the tubas.
SIMON: See guys, its not just me!
LEAH: I drank the Kool-Aid too, guys.
SIMON: Mmm, tasty brooding British Kool-Aid.
LEAH: JT and TI = true man love.
SIMON: And theyre doing a song from T.I.s unjustly neglected albumPaper Trail.
is indeed the King.
SIMON: And Tip and Justin get a little marching band action of their own.
Not quite as cool as Radiohead with USC, but still pretty sweet.
LEAH: Orchestra and bucket drums!
WHITNEY: Herbie Hancock is keeping the press room waiting while he texts his daughter.
said the lady in charge.
LEAH: Obama, two-time Grammy winner!
NARAS head Neil Portnow, chatty Cathy!
SIMON: And Neil Portnow is still talking.
LEAH: He sort of looks like Michael McDonald.
Gimme some What a Fool Believes, Neil!
SIMON: I love Ne-Yo.
LEAH: Smokey looks a little eye-jobby, but how can you not love him?
SIMON: That crotch-sweep Jamie Foxx just pulled was NOT an original Four Tops move.
SIMON: All kidding aside, though, those guys did those immortal tunes proud.
LEAH: Three Tops and a Thrusting Middle.
WHITNEY: Are we all Facebooking, or MySpaceing?
Katy Perry asked when she walked on stage in this press room full of bored journos.
And she was definitely, really nervous while hanging in that banana.
SIMON: Here comes Josh Groban to verify the broadcast doesnt get TOO awesome.
LEAH: Awesome just got squared, fool, its NEIL DIAMOND!
LEAH: Is that mesh shirt, Neil?
LEAH: Touching me, touching you, touching this audience for sure.
They cant get enough!
Does Neil Diamond have any new songs?
And also, in tribute to Mr. Ferrell, this could possibly use more cowbell.
LEAH: Why has Lil Wayne not come in for the mid-song breakdown yet?
I thought this was a duets show!
SIMON: Jay-Z is clapping mad emphatically!
SIMON: Aw, time to remember those musicians we lost in 08.
No jokes for a couple minutes, yall.
SIMON: (But not blues performers.)
SIMON: Nah, we havent seen Weezy take home a statuette yet.
LEAH: Definitely Grammy-palatable steez, and Allen Toussaint, NAwlins hero on backup!
SIMON: I am in awe of Allen Toussaints boogie superpowers.
SIMON: Oh man, and heres Terence Blanchard!
SIMON: That performance got a lot better after the jazz legends came out.
LEAH: And we are officially on overtime!
LEAH: Are will.i.am and T-Pain seriously going to hand out the biggest award of the night?
What, no one left fromGary Unmarried?
LEAH: Sorry, its rap album!
Were more behind schedule than I thought!
SIMON: And Best Rap Album goes to…Joaquin Phoenix?
J/k, of course its Lil Wayne.
LEAH: Oh Simon, you know Joaquins not eligible til next year.
But seriously, was there a chance it would be anyone else?
LEAH: Did Weezy just have his family waiting in the wings?
LEAH: Zooey Deschanel, actress #42 to introduce a band!
But she is a little lavender button, isnt she?
Plant and Krauss, take it away!
LEAH: Agreed, kind of a momentum-killer this late in the game… Maybe theyre gonna burst into a little Zep?
Whole Lotta Love, anybody?
SIMON: Okay, never mind.
SIMON: Look at Robert Plant groove!
LEAH: Green Day, two-thirds blond!
LEAH: Rick Rubin, producer of the year shout-out.
LEAH: Pepe le Pew!
LEAH: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
SIMON: When they said the syllable Rai-, I really hoped they were gonna end with -diohead.
Instead, it was -sing Sand.
LEAH: Why am I so unsurprised, and so underwhelmed?
This was record was a whole lotta like, but love?
SIMON: I really like it!
But yeah, this is an anticlimax.
SIMON: I guess we shouldnt be surprised after Herbie He had an album out this year??
Hancock won in 08.
SIMON: At least Radiohead took Best Alternative Album.
LEAH: Stevie Wonder takes us out!
SIMON: I dunno, without the Jonas Brothers, I just cant get behind this performance.
LEAH: EXCEPT NOT!
SIMON: And…were out.
Good night, everyone!
LEAH: Sweet dreams, Grammy fans!
