**
STELLA
I hate the way my sister Ellie breathes.
She doesn’t huff or puff or pant or wheeze.
No, Ellie’s breath is steady and sure and it never changes.
Penguin
Not when she accelerates around a particularly angled turn.
Not even when she sprints the final hundred yards.
Her breath is as consistent as the time.
Jessica Goodman’s second novel is “They’ll Never Catch Us.".Allie Holloway
I also hate the way Ellie’s ponytail never falls out of place.
And that she can run in silence without wanting to crush her own brain with her hands.
How can my little sister have so many thoughts she actually wants to think?
Me, on the other hand.
I just want to shut everything out.
That’s why I run.
I just want to pump my legs faster than anyone else’s.
To feel the burn deep within my lungs and all throughout my thighs.
It doesn’t matter where I’m going or which course I’m on or anything.
What matters is that my brain stops.
I’m doing it again.
This happens every time I get hooked on this train of thought.
But I think it holds up.
I repeat that mantra over and over as I push toward the final eight hundred yards around the track.
Ellie’s fine, silky hair wouldn’t protect her againstthis.
“Last one, Steckler!
You got this!”
Coach Reynolds calls from the sidelines.
Her voice is faint, but I can still hear it.
I love being called Steckler.
It never happens back in Edgewater because there are always two of us.
I lean my body into the inner circle of the track as I glide around the last turn.
The finish line beckons.
Makes sense, though.
Ihavebeen running nearly a hundred miles a week.
That was what was promised at Breakbridge Elite Track and Field Center.
Well, that and anger management courses.
But still, I’ve never slept better.
Here, my muscles ache and thrum as I pour myself into bed every night.
Is this how I’m supposed to feel?
Well rested and happy?
I’ve gotten better since June.
In the past eight weeks I’ve seen my times go down like crazy.
There’s no way Ellie will be able to keep up on the cross country course.
This last race isn’t really a race at all.
I’m just killing time before my parents come to get me.
This is my final reminder of everything I’ve accomplished this summer.
My first without Ellie.
My first away from Edgewater.
I have never felt freer than I do here.
I’m finally, desperately, alone.
And I love it.
Here we go.My eyes narrow as the last few yards sneak up on me.
I cross them with ease and without ever breaking my pace.
I want to keep running.
I would, too.
Or at least where they make a run at.
In the span of a year, three female cross country stars went missing.
Each one was found on the thorny trail up by Oak Tower.
All killed in the same way: blunt force trauma, with no signs of sexual assault.
They all fought like hell, and our totally incompetent police department never figured out who did it.
But that’s in the past now.
It’s been a decade since anyone went missing.
Well, that’s if you don’t count Shira Tannenbaum, and no one does.
Deadwater’s just a myth.
Something we all lived through but take a stab at forget.
