Returning director Justin Lin rediscovers the franchise’s over-the-top sincerity, but problems persist in this way-too-huge sequel.
“How in the hell are you not dead?”
asks Tej (Chris “Ludacris” Bridges).
Giles Keyte/Universal Pictures
It’s very early inF9, and several fast things have already happened furiously.
Everyone drives a vehicle that expresses their inner being.
The car’s too big, like Roman’s ego.
It almost crushes him: Irony.
As he stumbles away from the flaming wreckage, Tej asks how Roman is possibly still alive.
I love how Gibson mumbles an incoherent response, something like “uhhhUUUHHhhhh.”
That’s what I say when anyone asks me how in the hellTheFast and the Furiousisn’t dead.
That’s not very American, even if it’s how America works.
This saga always blazes a new trail, even when it takes a wrong turn.
But how will you ever fly if you don’t try driving off a cliff?
There have been wrong turns, though.
Many moviegoers will come back to theaters for this.
Appropriately, “return” is a key theme.
LongtimeFastdirectorJustin Lindeparted with 2013’sFurious 6, which memorably re-killedSung Kang’s laconic Han.
They both come home in this new entry.
So does Jordana Brewster.
First,F9returns to the dawn of the wholeFastidea.
What happens to him is written in the scriptures.
Theirs is a tale of vengeance and betrayal,King Hamlear Macbethellostarring Cain and Abel and tank tops.
Suffice it to say, they really put the “lie” in “family.”
In the present, the brothers battle across the globe.
That’s all just one scene, and I haven’t mentioned the magnets.
Inventing a new sibling out of thin air is how soap operas fill time in season 27.
One amazing thing aboutF9is that this Hail Mary twist kind of works.
Diesel is at his best when he seems to be struggling internally with repressed tragedies from last century.
Dom so barely resembles Jakob that the dialogue winks at a “mixed bloodline.”
Still, Cena’s the firstFastantagonist since Dwayne Johnson who’s big enough to bodyslam Diesel.
That physical threat packs a visual punch.
Whenever they’re together, you remember the muscular craftsmanship Lin brought to his earlierFastfilms.
Lin co-wrote the screenplay with Daniel Casey.
Their story should theoretically have more focus, because the ensemble’s a bit smaller.
Kurt Russell’s Mr. Nobody is only glimpsed a couple times.
Theron appears for a few short scenes in the last glass prison cinema should ever allow.
Johnson’s sealed away in his spin-off.
The female characters have more to do (he wrote suspiciously, worrying that their subplots feel verysubindeed).
Ramsey finally drives a car.
So does Helen Mirren’s Lady Shaw.
Mia pairs up with Michelle Rodriguez' Letty to fight bad guys using everyday kitchen utensils.
Brewster spent a couple sequels devotedly pregnant behind a keyboard.
Now, at last, she hits somebody with a frying pan.
you’re able to follow the tight-quarters combat even when you forgetwhy they’re fighting.
I also missed Lin’s natural generosity, the way he insistently makes minor characters shine like major stars.
He joined the franchise with 2006’s endearing offshootTokyo Drift, and someTokyo Drifters reappear here.
Fifteen years later, they’ve grown into… experimental vintage car scientists, if that’s a job?
They’re paid to strap rockets onto things that don’t usually get strapped to rockets.
F9sure sounds like a lot of fun.
Why is it only a little fun?
The bigger issue is that Han’s resurrection isn’t as awesome as it should be.
This mistake requires some kind of reckoning.F9brazenly turns that showdown into a sequel tease.
That see-you-next-movie shamelessness reveals some deeper problems afflicting theFastsaga in its cinematic-universe incarnation.
Something special drained out of this series when the heroes transformed from crusading car-heisters into world-saving explodo-spies.
Much of theF9story happens because Mr. Nobody tells various somebodies to do various somethings.
I don’t want my heroes to do things because a generic espionage manager tells them what to do.
Worth pointing out that Jakob’s motivation is just goofy enough to be interesting.
He’s almost a great villain.
I wish that space wasn’t so crowded.
Jakob’s annoying partner, Otto (Thue Ersted Rasmussen), seems to be Putin’s son.
Cipher remains pointlessly evil, an attitude without a character.
The first people to attack the Toretto crew are a fictional Central American army.
I know people who think all theFasts are stupid, and those people are stupid.
Then everyone gets handcuffed to a deathlyfetch the glowing green god-computermission.
There are bright spots.
Dom has to hold off a couple dozen henchmen with his bare hands.
His solution would be biblical, if Samson didn’t need so much hair.
It’s very meta, yet Gibson finagles sweet confusion into the self-awareness.
He can’t figure out why nobody else is freaking out.
Lin will stick around for two more sequels, which will allegedly end the mainline series.
His work here steers the franchise in the right direction, but it’s not a complete fix.
The title doesn’t lie.F9isn’t bad, and it’s not good.
It’s just fnine.B-
F9opens in theaters on June 25.
