Demi stirs the pot and Tammy exposes another contestant.
Welcome back to paradise, Bachelor lovers!
But thank God, here comes to Demi to stir the pot.
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She pulls aside a litany of men, including Connor, Kenny, and Brendan.
But it’s Brendan who gets her date card.
Which Natasha is decidedly not happy about.
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They head off on their date while Connor impresses Tahzjuan with some truly terrible puns.
Tahzjuan, if you think that’s impressive, you should try the EW staff.
Things start great on Demi and Brendan’s date.
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They’re riding jet skis; they’re making out.
He’s talked to other people, and he wants to wait and see if their paths cross again.
Well, Demi is not having it.
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As she reminds us, she’s the “cream of the damn crop.”
And honestly, this has never happened to her before.
Well, except with Colton, and that doesn’t count cause he’s gay.
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Her words, not mine.
But some couples are experiencing their honeymoon phase, including Ivan and Jessenia.
And there are also some people like Kelsey and Victoria P. who are struggling to find a match.
Victoria P. tries to force a connection with James.
Or is it Jordan?
She can’t remember.
To be fair, Victoria P., we couldn’t remember his name before this episode either.
Trust the crystals, Victoria.
Did I just discover my dream first date scenario?
But oh God, wait, is this?
Folks, it’s aBachelor in Paradisemiracle.
Ivan gushes about how special Jessenia is, and it’s cute as hell.
She admits she’d never experienced that pop in of racism until after being on the show.
These crazy kids truly seem like they could make it for the long haul.
Demi returns to the beach without Brendan, and immediately tells everyone how their tongue wrestling became a rejection.
Demi comes in with the line of the night.
“He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Brendan comes back to an ambush, first from Demi, then Natasha.
Let’s all eye-roll together.
But when they get to the real issue Pieper Brendan gives a classic player explanation.
Run for the hills, Natasha.
But she doesn’t.
There’s a lot of maneuvering and no x’s and o’s in this playbook.
It’s time for the first rose ceremony and cocktail party of the season.
Honestly, would’ve probably rather seen that than an entire episode of Kenny’s naked bod.
c’mon, ladies, never look at a man like that.
Victoria gives a classic non-apology, saying she’s sorry her actions affected Tahzjuan.
No, Victoria, you’re not sorry.
Then, she calls Tahzjuan crazy and breaks down sobbing.
Some real attempts to get Emmy nominations from the ladies tonight.
Tammy is done watching Victoria L. fool James.
She pulls him aside and gives him the country song backstory of Victoria’s cheating ways.
Victoria and her unnamed man even have a dog together.
James is blind-sided, and Tammy coins a new term, “rose-chasing.”
Could this be the new “here for the right reasons?”
James needs some clarity from Victoria, and she denies that she has a boyfriend back home.
James thinks so, too, because he calls her out on not knowing his first name.
Damn, go, James.
Victoria immediately gets very defensive, all but confirming she’s been caught in a web of lies.
And then she forgets his name again while breaking down in the confessional.
Victoria, you are not helping your case.
Tammy uses the opportunity to tell anyone who will listen about the drama.
Victoria confronts Tammy and Kelsey about their revelations, saying she thought they were friends.
She’s disappointed they didn’t come to her first.
Mhmm, sounds like a girl who’s just mad she got caught.
Tammy compares her to medusa in a stony-faced manner.
(Sorry, I had to).
But what, is Tammy’s playbook actually accurate?
And when she leaves, she smiles in a way that is positively, well, gorgon-like.
Clearly, Tammy had her number all along.
Someone get a football coach that playbook; it’s Super Bowl material.
Of course, Demi immediately sets her sights on him but so does Kelsey.
At last, it’s the season’s first rose ceremony, hosted suavely and confidently by Wells Adams.
Demi calls bulls— thinking she’s faking.
But I don’t know, she looked pretty sweaty.
The milk of magnesia can’t help you now, Kels.
But whether it’s real or fake, it’s not enough to elicit a pity rose from James.
He chooses Demi, so her drama will continue for at least one more episode.
But never fear, the trailer has assured us more drama is coming to Paradise.
